Standing at the traffic lights. The windshield drain clear snake rain. Through rain burning coals stop signal the front of the car. Sitting next to my companion. I hear her soft, quiet breathing. Take a small brush in his hand. Feel warm fingers.

Relations is a field in which people satisfy their needs. Or not happy, if he has in the blocks and complexity. The relationship is different: economic, political, work, personal. In personal relationships people go for many. Intimacy (especially emotional) – I feel that the sweetest that can be in a personal relationship.

the Field Location is the third that is the result of two relationships. The third subject, possessing its own uniqueness. Yes, you've probably noticed that different people have different atmosphere of their relationship. Here are two spouse – fighting, discontent with each other, angry and hurt and feel humiliation and shame. Here's the other – gentle and kind to each other, can do nothing really to do, but feel right – like here.

Going into the relationship, it is important for yourself to answer the question: why/what for/why should I go? It is a contract, which it is important to recognize as early as possible. The answers can be really different, so do not rush and take the first, usual, customary. Motives to go into personal relationship is complex, multifaceted, often disguised behind apparently nice cover.

options Such as: "I want to be needed by someone(oops)", "I want me somebody cared and supported" and "don't want to be lonely" is a clear request not to the partner, and parent. That is, people need to "doubleverify" needs that parents were not satisfied. Accordingly going with this relationship, the person runs the risk of falling into addiction and to create a devastating infantile relationship. Better to go to this therapy, cheaper.

Someone asks: what do you mean I can't hope for support and care of another person? To hope, to demand, to extort – no: he(she) you do not mom/dad. To ask Yes. If you find it difficult to ask and think "let us", there seems to be an indicator of an old children's emotional wounds: a story about parents who didn't give what you really need.

Next to you adult man is it just to ask. He may give or may not give, but in any case, listen, support, try to find suits both solution.

And if he is not able to give support? It seems that he, too, is where to grow up. And if he is open to dialogue, that can grow with you. And if not? You're not a therapist. Sad may be, but I guess it's time for you to go further. To suffer in an emotionally toxic relationship, I do not recommend. Either heal their relationship together, or relieve each other from this burden.

Ask about something, to open their desires safely, without shame or guilt is in itself a very valuable ability, this is a very "grown-up". But to do this, or before this, it is important to create a safe space to meet their desires. The space of Proximity–trust. You can announce that you are ashamed/embarrassed/scared. You may be asked not to solve the problem immediately, but at least to start just to listen and take it in the box of your relationship, though it is unclear what to do with it. Allow it to be. And you will be surprised. Often, the field itself begins to deal with the problem, to help satisfy the desires. Sometimes, indeed, only to indicate a desire not to interfere and not to disturb him implemented. Just watch.

it is important to regain the flair... it's Clear to see/feel what kind of person are now living your life. Of course, never realize it immediately, but it is important at the very beginning to listen to what field, what kind of space you create together. What is happening in this field? What's it like?

There are spaces where much of the poison, tobacco smoke, fume and anger. In other smells like expensive perfume, leather interior, car, money and complacency. Third: coffee, fried potatoes, chocolates and kindness. And all of these can be mixed in unpredictable proportions – what matters is that you felt that it was "your" space, you both and you both warm and have a way to go.

the Main indicator of a viable relationship – the feeling of joy and pleasure, manifestations of mutual caring, acceptance and respect. If it has a relationship has a future. If there is a reason for dialogue. The opportunity to share with each other, but not the demands/claims/grievances, feelings, experiences, doubts. But again, I repeat, to create such a dialogue is Oh so easy. Be patient, careful, caring to each other. Open sincere conversation is a place of high tension where the slightest spark could cause devastating fires.

I Read the previous line... As it is difficult to tell completely what you want to tell. Impossible. Can't, since the relations a huge amount of nuances, shades, and features. I suggest you enter into their space of emotions that you could feel and understand the relationships in the process and as a process.

That is, I mean that often people read a psychological article, adding to your stock of information a couple of boxes of interactiv-instructions-rules. But it's dangerous because it breaks down the intuitive, fresh and lively process of building human relationships. The proximity will die if we try to subdue it subtracts and learned (from mom or its projection) rules.

Through the prism of rules and laws, life really can be done is predictable. This will save you from anxiety, fear, and after that can come boredom. Boredom in a relationship is a loss of contact with reality. As soon as feel it, let it lit red light and the internal screen flashes the words: "Look at the man next! You think you know him, but this is an illusion! Feel it again! Look him in the eyes, smell your skin. Take him in his arms and drive into the woods, theater, circus, courtyard, on the Bank of the river/sea/desert...".

You urgently need to restore their field of reach. You need to remember that the person next to you – a creature from another planet. This is a man who lives in a different world... How strange, how ironic that this could be the impetus for curiosity, and can turn into a great chasm in the relationship.

the Crisis in relations is inevitable. Inevitable for the reason that it is through relationship crises grow and the people in them grow, develop. Through the crisis the relationship becomes stronger or destroyed, depleted and exhausted. And field Location, identifies the relationship and fullness of the relationship. No Intimacy, no communication, and there is a void. And then the relationship can not withstand the crisis.

Always a bit (and sometimes quite a lot) sad when some relationships have run their course and end. Before the eye swim pictures of how it all began. A thin needle of sorrow pricks the heart and reminds the person that all is transitory, all is moving and all of course. And this reminder may allow you to see more clearly the importance of what is happening now. Those relationships that you now appreciate what we have? Remember that they can be vulnerable and need care?

Lit green light. Gently pull forward, feeling the rustling under the wheels of smooth asphalt. On the road important rules. They, of course, is in a relationship. But even more important is the knowledge of rules, ability to be attentive to what is happening here and now. Instinct, thanks to which you just recognize what is happening in the field of relationships. The openness and candidness with which you can post your thoughts and feelings. Dialogue as a bridge in the middle of which there are two.

Pavel Rodimov
Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

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