But don't tell me that you love me!
Love – a feeling of deep attachment and longing for another person or object, a deep sense of sympathy, informs us encyclopedia and your own common sense. And life…life is like a song:
“Hug me, kiss me
Tell me, how long have you waited to see me
Admire me, call Holy
Pelted me with flowers, my darling
But don't tell me that you love me”
I Think what many might see this paradoxical situation when people are not poetic, and react angrily love care of them. And it's not teenagers who want to look independent , but it is adults, already married people.
- One man felt a flash of his anger against his wife when she told him that she is worried about how he rides a bike in a dodgy area. While her words were not attempts to ban, control, or moreover, any conviction or confidence. She only offered to change his route to a more safe, not to abandon led training, he suddenly felt enraged.
- First nice girl, suddenly felt just ready to break your young person and not some indecent proposal, and a proposal to marry, raise children and grow old together.
- During the session psychologist first calm and quiet man, said he felt rage when he heard the praise in his address.
This behavior may cause a desire to hire a specialist or even an exorcist. But there's no rush. Perhaps psychology can give logical answers, is not logical behavior.
Indeed, this paradoxical response is unconscious process. Here are some of the main reasons to explain this phenomenon.
Sudden alarm that is masked by anger or aggression occurs because concern or sympathy, a compliment poses a threat to long-standing psychological defenses formed at an early age. Not everyone had the childhood pleasure and joy to remember. It is often associated with emotional pain, rejection, neglect and outright lies. And then someone cares. As it can interpret the ‘paranoid border guard" hundredindeed created for the protection of individuals from offence. Tocourse as a provocation and begins “to repel the attack”.
so, love is scary when it contrasts with childhood trauma. the painful memories this “special voltage”, at the approach to which the love object feels forced to behave in a punitive, to distance himself and push away love. In fact, these people have not been able to grow and continue to defend themselves as well as behave in a dependent age. Only now they are not dependent from real opponents, but from their memories. And since the negative reaction to positive events occurs without awareness, people react, without understanding that caused them to react.&Not being mentally sick people, they realize that their feelings are as it does not correspond to the real to them the attitude. But Hey come proven self-deception, called rationalization. Or the scenario when you are frightened to look within, to find a friend in danger. Rationalizing the situation, they find the faults and reasons for her anger in others, especially those closest to him and emotionally open.
Such a relationship is like a tug of war – one tries to get closer, and the other “keep their borders”. So, adult person should make the decision, who will lead his life, snapping a small child or adult mind.
it is Difficult to conduct such a transfer of control of yourself. You may recall all the jokes woody Allen about the uselessness of psychotherapy continue to sink into paranoia and loneliness. But this is you to solve it. It's your life and your relationship that you can lose, continuing to prefer the past to the future.