Can you say "No."


the Inability to say "No" psychologist Martin Seligman called "learned helplessness". Embittered, defeated feeling that you are a victim of fate. And powerless to eke out an existence. Just caving and shivering from the new pricks pride.

We are all victims of life. But we are responsible for what happens to us. We are always much more easier to blame our problems to others. Than to take responsibility for our personal behavior is a victim of circumstances. The hare popping up in the headlights and doesn't know how to get back in the saving darkness.

Sometimes say: "No", this is one of the most difficult cases. How not to hurt someone's feelings? It is dangerous to disrupt the status quo. It is always a risk of being rejected or abandoned. We were all taught to be right. Who wants to be perceived as negative, rigid, selfish, tough, stubborn and a lot more how can you call someone who understands what the word "No" is an essential assertion of the will in the world. To say "No" is to Express its existence. And personal strength to assert and defend their existence. To say "No" is to distinguish yourself from others. And Express their own existential freedom. In childhood, it still somehow breaks through. And gets to make everything more complicated... Education "to be good", punishment and rejection gradually lead to the loss of "Himself" and drop in self-esteem. We then feel we have no right to say "No." This inability to say "No" is the basis of what today is called "codependency". And it insidiously promotes passivity, hopelessness and helplessness of depression. The secret is that the person really can't fully say "Yes" to something or someone, if he can't first say "No." How can you freely choose something or someone for yourself, when you can not freely make this choice? Of course, "No" can and often is negativistic expression of the will. Some people get stuck in this phase of children's deviance. Such negativism or oppositional behavior was the only way they know how to assert themselves and their will in the world, but it's not about that.

paradoxically, knowing that we have the ability to say "No" can prompt us to take life and in this world. In the words of Dostoevsky, "So the thing I'm trembling or right?" Saying, "No" from time to time others and the world requires great courage! But this is a crucial preliminary issue – before you access your true self. Find and fulfill your destiny. And, ultimately, to be able to say: "Yes", and begin to love and live!

Makovsky Bella
Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

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