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my husband and I are expecting a baby. The term is already quite big. Ultrasound tells us that it's a boy. My husband chose the name. I do not name like. Every conversation about the name ends with unpleasant experiences on my part. Husband does not understand. So we almost stopped talking. Recently my husband went with friends to ski for a few days, I hinted that we should not travel, I cannot go with them. He still went. Me so it became insulting, what do you think, to call a child on their own, not the rude name, which was chosen by the husband, and that's all. But it's now in the offense I think to do when you relax? How to convince my husband to make concessions to his pregnant wife?

Now You mix together a wide variety of difficulties. The choice of name here as the tip of the iceberg, rising above the accumulated misunderstanding.

the Husband picked a name that You don't like. To give my husband absolutely not ready, right? Do You know what makes it so hard, what significance that name has for him? The value is so great that he is willing to endure Your frustration, to be able to name the child. This is important, it should be clarified first. You can make a direct conversation with the husband of the most calm state, having prepared for my own curiosity: I was distracted from the offense, but I am terribly curious about what makes you tick. You can go to the other side in the case of good relations with relatives from the husband's side, to inquire into the husband's family. Perhaps this name has some reason of great importance for the family.

When You clarify these questions, perhaps Your attitude towards the choice of a husband will change. Understanding that the husband is driven not only and not so much stubbornness, can make a difference in Your perception.

as for the ski trip. You have not expressed fundamental disagreement - the husband is difficult to assess the scale of Your discomfort, to pregnant women in the later period, he was never...

I'll assume You didn't say categorically because:


  1. Either do not believe that her husband will hear, even a categorical refusal. It will become proof that it is not considered with Your opinion at all. Now You suggest that it is possible, but know that you don't want. Being pregnant is better than to go into keen conflict.
    2. Or had to guess what was happening and to understand the inappropriateness of their actions. br>
    3. Any more options.

Sometimes it happens that two persons live near for a long time and get so accustomed to this that many things become self-evident that we are not talking, they are well known and understood. But it is necessary for them to start talking, turns out amazing detail: each partner assumes the opposite. For example, a husband wants his wife to send him texts during the day or call, it is important that she was doing it on his own initiative, so he does not speak aloud. Wife really wants to call her husband, but she doesn't, considering that will distract him from his work. They both think feelings have cooled, they are inattentive to each other, etc....

I think that this is very similar to what is happening between You.

"Loving people understand each other without words" is alas, a myth... Yes, of course, a good knowledge of each other gives predictability, but does not give an absolute certainty.

her Husband can not even assume what You expect from him. Better to talk about it calmly, as soon as I wanted. Because if You first wait, he'd find out, and then says, I will already be annoyed by the waiting and disappointment (not guessed!), then the husband is likely to react to Your irritated tone, and not on the content request, such a dialogue risks becoming a source of conflict.

Your task now is to preserve peace. You need it for two. Problems are best solved as they arrive. The child was not born yet, and You have a few months of arguing with my husband about the name. It is not excluded that a son, You husband will see and clearly understand – it is definitely ... , and not ... as we thought the whole pregnancy.


2018-11-26
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