What is behind the attempt to blame?
I was then 35 years old. I attended a therapist about his phobia of the subway. Most of the time we worked about my relationship with my mother. I remember at the very beginning talked a lot about offense, mom: what my bike did because I was then four years turned his wheels and not ridden (was never taught), the piano did not give to learn drawing no one with me not playing and not engaged. And then the therapist once again asked me a question: "And now something that you want from her?" And suddenly I thought: "How is that?!! Tricycle and let him teach me to ride! Take in a circle on the piano and a piano buy! In the school of the art arrange, acrobatics'll take!"
And then I laughed when all is said. Laughed and cried. I really wanted her to give me my inability and lack of implementation in all these things.
Remember, then I bought a Bicycle and a piano. Learned to ride a bike, and the piano never found time to master. And paint don't like, and then I went just to be a psychologist learns, because by the time I was more interested in psychology, I was more interesting than the painting.
the search for the guilty and the prosecution is, who will compensate the damage.
When the couple divorced, both have a lot of offense, and everyone wants to blame the other: but what and to what? They both have created some comfortable world, an environment in which everything is convenient, everything is familiar, everything is accessible and understandable, and at some point, when they diverge, more or less part of this world, they will lose. Will have to start over. And then everyone is waiting for other payments: who and how will receive the property, who will support the child, who and where and with whom to live, someone will have to go to work or to change it, or change the city or country.
When the family is born a sick child or someone of a family member is sick, other family members begin to look for who to blame, tacitly implying - who would compensate the rest of the family sleepless nights, inconvenience, costs, loss of opportunities, fatigue. Such examples can be cited.
I'd like to see someone came, waved his magic wand and return everything that was built for many years, and it took a lot of effort and money were waiting the best, or simply good life - and it was irretrievably lost.
But is it always appropriate to look for the guilty?
I never became an artist, a musician, a singer, an acrobat in the circus as dreamed in childhood. I became a psychologist and I love my profession.
I realized that not very much and love to ride a bike. But I've learned to drive a car, and I like it better.
When we look at lost, as the only possible way - then do very much want to find someone who will reimburse you. And while we are "suing" for this opportunity as the only - we deprive ourselves of other possibilities, sometimes much bigger and better than it ever was lost.