the System of relations "teenager - parent" is complicated by physiological changes associated with sexual maturation.
If the leading motives of communication at a younger age, before puberty, is the desire to gain the support, the approval of the parent, as I grew older, the teenager expects a personal communication on an equal footing, recognition by the parent to maturity.
In connection with the extension of the experience and complexity of mental activity teen exposes a critical analysis of the words of significant adults, thus limiting the parent's involvement in his personal space.
the Only way for parents to stay friends with your child, use simple, human rules:
Rules build competent interaction with a teenager
- Individual approach taking into account personal characteristics and social situation of the teenager.
Your child is unique, remember that.
Remember that every child's choice is his conscious choice and should be respected.
the Jokes, even if they're not important and you think that there is nothing wrong. Remember teen hurt very humorous observations, even if he won't show you that. His self esteem is very fragile (brittle as mica), and one wrong comment can hurt.
This increases the importance of the teenager, especially when produced in the circle of important people, adults, friends.
in Any case, not uchityvaya teenager (even for business) in front of strangers.
the teenager should be mystery, secrets, etc. do Not enter without permission of the teenager in his personal space. Everything related with his personal life is untouchable (diary, phone, the circle).
Try to make promises, the word evaluate your ability and strength.
10. It is important to build a relationship with the teenager based on HIS interests (music, games, Hobbies, hobby, communication, clothing style) everything that "lives" teenager.
- Use the metaphor in relation to Your child "the Child is welcome"
Think about how You treat a welcome guest in your home. Unless You teach it, I withdraw, criticize, of course not. We are pleased welcome guest, we look on him with love, trying to please him, to understand, support and accept.
Apply this metaphor to your child and You will develop a trusting relationship with the teenager.
- Think about the deep meaning of the word "survive", "surviving child".
And no matter how much we tell their children "learn from my mistakes", "do not make my mistakes." The child learns and gains experience from their mistakes.
Excessive concern for the child relieves his experience. It turns out that we parents tend to worry about the child, his life, his experience, thus making our children helpless.
- Personal boundaries is important.
When the child grows up, he seems to be moving away from parents, thereby shaping their personal space. At the same time parents experience anxiety, you feel that the child is out of their control "and suddenly do anything stupid", thinks the parent, even stronger than the grip the child's boundaries and thereby aggravates the situation. Maturing child becomes comfortable under the close supervision of parents – there is a conflict of generations.
the Parents in order to reduce the internal anxiety that is embedded in the personal space of the child by means of the safe personal items, respectively, breaking the boundaries of the person.
Learn to trust your child, give him the opportunity to make their mistakes, to own your experience. The teenager must be willing to share with You their experiences. Try to be diplomatic with your child.
- Be a "big brother" to your child.
Subordination in the creation of the dialogue between parents and child is important. So we neuchem child to respect their elders. But friendship is the background of relations, when a teenager is going to need You as a friend will trust You as a friend, that is You will be in the interests of the teenager.
At the tricky rules of communication with a growing baby You will be able to maintain a relationship of trust and authority to stay in his eyes.