the Unconscious man, who was cold and not the receiving parent wants to be in constant contact with him, because in his view he never received love, acceptance, care, warmth him as a child – this need for Affiliation. And being in dependency or codependency he expects he will return the favor or he's finally earned that long-awaited acceptance. He can't stop trying everything and waiting for praise and approval as a child, or an adult and separirovannoe have to give up rights and hope to get something and not received.
at the same time and already consciously the person wants to separate and live their own lives, in its sole discretion, regardless of the views of the parent – this need for Individuation. But if he starts to live his life which is not sacrificed at the altar of mom or dad, he will not have time and effort to justify his appearance in the world and earn the love and acceptance, which so disastrously picked up from childhood.
And from this internal conflict starts Simptom providing:
- an Illusory opportunity to provide what is expected from childhood, interlocking branch and independent private life.
- an Excuse for what growing up, withdrawal from addiction, and maybe codependency or separation(separation) is not possible.
There are many different symptoms, we explain two common is panic attacks and infertility.
a Panic attack that occurs in the workplace or in vocational training. The main thing here is blocked independence.
as soon As there is some possibility of formation of self-identity and economic independence appear the symptom in a panic attack. All that accompanies a panic attack: palpitations, shortness of breath, fear of shame, fear of death is all that binds man and slows development.
This ensures the inability to be without the support and care of a parent who is so eager to count since childhood. Which takes so long Merited delight in their eyes. That is so I want to hear the phrase: "I always knew you're the best! I have always been confident in your abilities! I am very proud of you!"
Instead, the man hears: "Could be better! Do you think that you got this! Well, try, but, when you do not get do not complain!" and so on.
And here is a panic attack a guarantor of failure. But at the same time will probably come true mythical hope that the parent will regret, or support in such a difficult condition and finally will show their love and participation.
After all, if a person fails to get the desired profession or to support themselves, their family – you can stay in codependency, at the very least, you can generally return to the family home.
Infertility associated with gynecological diseases or hormonal disorders of the thyroid gland. Usually manifested in two aspects:
- While there is a high probability of pregnancy, or no suitable partner, or is prevention the disease occurs in a latent form, chronic and occasional minor aggravation. It can be fibroids, endometritis, hyperthyroidism and others.
- as soon As the conditions for a high probability of pregnancy or consciously, the woman begins to implement his plan in life is here and then it starts the whole manifest illness until surgery, and surgery aimed at blocking pregnancy (ectopic pregnancy, removal of the ovary, in extreme cases, removal of the uterus).
In fact, there is an unconscious fear of pregnancy and a conscious desire her. Because as soon as children – all woman not a girl that has the opportunity to receive mother's love. The woman further away from your needs for acceptance and maternal love, which I never received. Moreover if the mother is aloof, cold, or narcissistic – so it still may punish the lack of attention that that more to her not "is".
And if a child was the role of mother's assistant, mother's "psychological toilet", but if she actually became the "mother" for my mom, clothed, kept and cared for her, trying to win the approval. Naturally, once a woman to receive its life, that is, the man she will care for, the child that she will love and contain, then the mother fades into the background. These moms are well broadcast the encrypted messages to their daughters, they say, and the man you "not very", and with the children, look at all the trouble and the like.
In this case, gynecological disease and infertility guarantees the identity and co-dependency with the mother, ensures that the illusion of receiving love and acceptance. And at the same time have an excuse for ourselves and others, why do you have no children, and in extreme cases-life.
Each case is different and you need to find out the context for each separately, this article describes all three client case.
the Plan of action here is obvious – out of an unhealthy codependent relationship with a parent and "the funeral" hope that someday that parent will give what he does not. And it is a question of long-term therapy.