Cognitive: I think, therefore I exist only in comparison with others


Separation, or the psychological separation from parents is a concept which originated in the psychoanalytic approach, however, its importance is recognized by most psychologists, sometimes only changing the name of this process. The greatest contribution to the development of this phenomenon has been mentioned in previous articles Margaret Mahler.

a Bit about what this is and how to manifest.

Separation from parents can be both cognitive and emotional.

Cognitive separation from parents occurring on a rational level and involves the formation of the teenager of independent ideas about themselves as about the person's personality, their traits, abilities and capabilities. These ideas, ideally, should not depend on parents ' attitudes or opinions of others. The lack of independence in cognitive picture of yourself due to the fact that the child or young person is sure that he is "bad", "lazy", "unsociable," "stupid," not by what he himself thinks so, and said so mom (or dad). Or it could be the opposite, the reassessment of their abilities and qualities.

When complete separation, self-esteem, their personal characteristics and abilities are adequate and relies only on an opinion given the reality of course, but the account of this objective. And even if parents or others would tell the person something that does not fit his image of himself or of reality, this opinion is not dominant.

Another case of incomplete separation. For man will always be important the opinion of others, he or she will always strive to look for all the good (s) or even perfect (oops), afraid to receive criticism, or look somehow wrong in the eyes of others (even if they do not say anything).

of Course, the cognitive independence of the self is closely linked with the emotional component, since receiving a negative evaluation from parents or other people, people will not only try on these assessments for themselves and to allow their truth but also to experience the negative emotions. Therefore, criticism is fear, and perhaps retaliatory "defensive" aggression, although nothing to protect against, just painful for a person to look "imperfect" to others.

However, this does not mean that a harmonious, successfully separated the person wrongly confident in their own infallibility and resistant to the real world. This is the other extreme – fear of criticism and "imperfection" creates the negation of the real state of Affairs.

ideally, the response to criticism should be adequate, taking note of possible correction of behavior, but without destroying self-esteem.

I Want to emphasize that the above characteristics are associated not only with unfavorable for separation, but also with earlier issues, but often appears so.

to be Continued...

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