Complex post about discipline

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the Current text is born in pain. Probably, these MUK manifested the essence of my internal conflict. br>
I want to talk about the bad for me and hated the concept of DISCIPLINE. br>
Not very long ago, I began to understand the meaning of this phenomenon and its necessity. I was going with the forces, resources and something else because it took so long to get into the flow and sign. br>
I suffered, absorbing the essence of the discipline, knowing what it is, integrating this concept with the fact that for so long trying to arrange in his life – acceptance and self-care. And I think I got it, and I want to share with you today. br>
the Essence of the conversation that care and love to yourself, we understand not always true. br>
I have long understood the love of self is somehow askew. br>
I, as a mother of two small children, the easiest way to cover this topic from the point of view of parenthood will. br>
Again, it all begins with love and acceptance, and yet in order to hear and understand a small child to understand his abilities, aspirations and desires, to enter into contact with him, to be attentive to his needs. br>
this is a very important moment, when we trust the kid, care about him, napityvajut his love, regret, support and so on. And when he encounters difficulties, we strongly help him to overcome them and take his side, not blaming, not devaluing errors, and helping to assign a negative experience, teaching him to draw conclusions and assess the implications. br>
similarly, adults can treat my body. Very similar to what is advocated for in intuitive eating to listen, to trust, to love, to support the desires and aspirations, help to assign a negative experience (in our case, overeating), analyzing and making conclusions. br>
Everything in this relationship perfectly. It would be wrong to build them. And when I write about it, I envy those who can create such relationships with their children and with their body. It's great! br>
Where does the theme of discipline and what's this? br>
This concept to me about the border. About the fact that the child is Lee, adult whether people are social creatures who live around other people. br>
now, if we are talking about the relationship of mothers and children, speaking about discipline, I mean the normal human limits that it's impossible not to build, while staying nearby. br>
Mom gets tired, she needs time to recover, she can't the clock be in front of the kids and care only about their desires. She needs her space, where she will recuperate, to take care of themselves. br>
If children at home, yet these boundaries are only trying to understand and do not understand, they will constantly be broken. To go to mom to the bathroom, throwing things across the room, but around the house, making noise and so on (the most common situation, although it is actually much more, you know). br>
And if the mother ignores your boundaries, not to notice that she is very tired from this Bedlam, and most importantly, if she doesn't know how to build them (not teach it) in the relationship with children is a growing tension which develops into a conflict, or the mother's depression (as a result of suppressing their own feelings and desires). br>
let us Return to our analogy with the body. br>
something like this happens in our relationship with ourselves. Remember the internal conflicts? br>
When one of our part from dissatisfaction and nedolyublennosti in dire need for quick gratification, in particular in the sweet or delicious-fatty, the other part of us is experiencing severe anxiety, physical discomfort, and in consequence, irritation and dissatisfaction. br>
there are several options:

- either we put the brakes on its state and the body begins to grow and swell, overeating sweet or harmful to others (then suppressed our adult part, the inner child in the revelry, which often happens in reality, when parents really give up their positions in front of the children);
- we either have to suppress these desires and to diet, ignoring their feelings and needs (then suppressed our children's part which suppress definitively does not work and then in front of or breakdown, either some bodily disease). br>
And here there is a secret ingredient called DISCIPLINE. br>
For what it is and how to attach to this conflicting couple (parent and child)? br>
As the love of self, discipline is very often oddly we understand. It may seem that this is something the army too right, when our life, if we make in her discipline, is becoming too streamlined and devoid of creativity. br>
But for me, it is somewhat one-sided and too exaggerated. And exaggerated and inflated to inadequate size. br>
But here is not the case. But with what feelings we encounter when we hear the word DISCIPLINE. br>
We are faced with the fear of these rules, fear, desire and the orders of other people and their boundaries that they dare to show us (in this case parents), and here we lose our spontaneity, creativity, and most importantly their own feelings about it. br>
When we meet the boundaries of other people that we don't like or do not conform to our desires – it is very normal to be upset about it – to grieve, to name a few all the stages – denial, bargaining, anger, grief, humility. br>
But, often, when they talked about the schooling to discipline us as children, we were told: "we Have to do it! Nothing your whining!" And to angry about this – it's all incredible sin. Mad at parents?! br>
And then, when we were forbidden to have feelings about the restrictions and rules we become afraid to meet with real boundaries and requirements of other people. br>
But, in the beginning, I said that it all begins with love and care, with the adoption of the needs and desires of the other hand, with attention to the feelings of the other. And here if to set boundaries with this approach, it is possible to slowly find the balance. br>
the Balance between discipline and creativity. The adoption of the wishes of the other and shaping their boundaries. br>
And you can combine taking care of yourself, love of self, attention to your desires and needs, their abilities and aspirations with discipline, to accustom themselves to order to specific rules and rituals that are well save time and effort, and most importantly creates an environment for development. br>
What I mean, and how to organize it in practice? br>
1. Still to start with care and attention to your desires, analyzing why now my body is gaining weight and so much in need of all sorts of Goodies.
2. Slowly to pay attention to reality and to what is happening with the body. How does it feel, to be aware of bodily sensations. This will be the first steps to the emergence of borders, physical borders. And it's a small discipline: the practice of mindfulness.
3. Do not rush and be careful not to slip into the other extreme and not to go into giperosmolarnosti, and the main thing is not to go to failure from this awareness. Allow yourself to move slowly, but forward, definitely adding to my life a new action. For example, one or more times a day (as a resource) to stop and listen to your body, analyze their observations.
4. Gradually assign changes and they will. Even the smallest action, is beginning to change a lot.
5. Add another new action, for example, when I realized that I feel uncomfortable after eating, to try to stop it. Not berating yourself. This is another step. br>
And so on. Gradually will come the balance to remain in the love of himself, attention to your feelings and discipline. Then you can add a bit of sport (quite a bit), bodily pleasures, for example, massage and much more. br>
we were told our teachers gestalte, change is only possible when we begin in reality to do something different. It was not clear before. But now I realized it, and most importantly were able to realize in life (by small steps). Most importantly do not put yourself of the important task, not to go to extremes, but to continue to move forward, changing what is in our lives now, while remaining in taking to himself, without devaluing the experience that is already there. br>
And in the end will share his experience and example of discipline. My husband loves order. Sometimes to the point of absurdity. But in seven years of marriage it helped me a lot. I've always been sloppy, and he taught me to do otherwise. And, it turns out, the house in order takes so much effort, if you make some small but regular steps. For example, immediately wash the Cup or to clean the place of what was used. It's very simple but so hard for me to give. Seven (!) years, I've learned. Now I can do it almost automatically. The main thing I used to resist, and now I'm learning to use it in my life, because I noticed, as it frees up time and energy. br>
And another example. About the children. Here they are all spontaneous and creative. But the order in the form of laying to bed on time or eating routine, but still has the skill cleaning toys (without violence, but always first with us, the parents) are very helpful not get buried in the chaos. br>
I think, as mentioned in example about the border – this post will protest or be difficult to understand. But this is normal, as it should be, first denial, then bargaining, anger, grief and humility. But yeah, unfortunately, without the ability to build borders in contact with other people and with ourselves, in this world, it becomes very, very difficult. And the topic of weight loss is simply impossible. And we learn to do it gradually and without violence against a, Yes, without miracles, because to change will still have. br>
With love, your Hope sh

Hope Shelepova
2018-03-27
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