Containerevent is the internal ability to withstand strong emotions - their own and others. And since we all come from childhood, and this ability is formed in childhood at a period when a container child is the mother. br>
the Small child is still not able to cope with their intense emotional experiences: anger, disappointment, resentment, despair. How often do we expect the child will be able to control his emotions himself. He will be handling them. Manage. Some dads or grandmothers expect this, even from a child: "don't pick him up! Their cry he's manipulating you! Let him know that he not achieve this! Let accustomed to handle himself". br>
Let handles himself? It is unreal. Because of age, development of the nervous system and emotional sphere of the child have no ability to cope with emotions themselves. They overwhelm him, like his psyche is not enough to all it to put and digest. Don't fit everything in it emotions! And come out in the form of different behavior: screaming and crying, the stomping feet, the protest of hysteria.
the Ability to relive your strong feelings, to postpone the realization of their desires develops gradually. It is therefore important that the child was so adult, which can take the role of container for the children's experiences. br>
And now for the practical part. As vzrosly can help the child?
to Determine the emotion of the child
to Translate it into understandable to the child language and "return" to him.
here is an example. My mother was sitting on the ground, it runs three-year-old in tears: "he took my toy." the
Answer mom: "You're very upset and angry with him." br>
the task of the adult is to return to him in conversation that he told you, while denoting it as a feeling, as if giving a “name” his feelings. In all cases, when a child is upset, hurt, failed, when he's hurt, ashamed, scared when he had been treated rudely or unfairly, and even when he is very tired, the first thing to do is to let him know that you know about the experience (or condition) of the child “hear” it. br>
you need to adult he knew how to cope primarily with their emotions! Otherwise, how can he give the child something that is not himself?
What to do as an adult when his own "container" overwhelmed by negative emotions. As they clean up, instead of draining on family and friends?
To begin, you need:
Aware of his emotion (to call it: I'm angry, offended, afraid, etc.). Ideally, speak out loud, in front of the mirror. And away the guilt, I am human and have a right to be angry, to be afraid of...
to Understand the reasons, thoughts, beliefs that lead to it, to change them.
to Give this emotion to go out (to work it) to be able to withstand the emotions of other people (shouts the husband, scolds the chief, rude at the Bank or in the store at the checkout). As the answer is not to yell, not to cry, do not be afraid, and to react and act calmly, without becoming a "container" for all others.
so, what to do:
Technique 1. Breathe deeply. The breath serves to maintain tonus, exhale stress relief and relaxation. Close your eyes, focus on your breathing. Take a deep breath for 3-4 accounts, of the maximum inflating the abdomen and filling your chest with oxygen (mentally assembling inspiratory negative emotions from the body in a clump) for a few seconds, hold your breath. Further – more deep breath to 6-8, while the abdomen is retracted, the rib cage is lowered (mentally dumping all the negative emotions from the body through the feet into the ground). Breathe until you feel peace and satisfaction within you.
Technique 2. Take a clean sheet of paper and pencils, markers, pen (ideally, if it is a simple pencil). Sit in a quiet, secluded place. Take a pencil in a fist. Be aware of your negative emotion. And start "scribbling" with pencil across the sheet, dumping their accumulated negative emotions. Get these "finger paintings". Continue to draw until you feel satisfaction and relief. Then you can tear or crumple a ball and burn it. br>
Technique 3. Ha-exhale. Stand up, close your eyes, place your feet shoulder width apart. Start to breathe deeply, imagining that all your negative emocija (whether anger, resentment, fear, etc) pulled up and collected in the center of the chest. Another breath – control emotion in one "big lump". On the next inhale raise your hands up, dial a deep breath and sharply, with noise exhale, shouting: "Ha-Ah!" bent over in half. In this case, clear the emotion from the body. Then a few calm and deep breaths. Drink of water and smile.