Psychological counseling of parents is currently one of the most popular in practice of work of the psychologist directions.
the Difficulties parents have in the relationship with the children, facing them, as the difficulties of "education". And if the kids behave like something is wrong, as it seemed to parents that the latter is always a long list of claims and complaints. The heart cry of parents: "Do something!" at times is full of anger and frustration on their child, is actually very similar to a state of powerlessness.
What also worth to take into account a specialist and addressed by parents?
First of all, it is important to trust the parent, making it clear that you believe that he is really bad, difficult and even painful. (Step of joining).
At the stage of "clarifying the request" we need to know the age of the child, find out the time frame difficulties: from yesterday or for several years?
it would Not hurt to clarify what "field" the child lives? His entourage (family and society).
Next, the specialist raises the question: "How are you doing now? What to do? See what are the results?" These questions help not only to the psychologist and especially to the parent to understand what methods do not lead to a result that may not help, but hinders the relationship with the child, "launches" to further misunderstanding and conflict in relationships. Thus, the technician moves the "focus of responsibility" with the child's parent.
Kids, in the fact of his birth being helpless and incapable, fall into the situation dependent relationships important ones. Initially, parents are just glad they know their need for a child, feel important, feel pride in themselves ("I am parent!", from the mouth of some parents it sounds like "I am your master!").
the Following question: "What do You want?" "What result do you expect?" often returns the parent in the role of "Master" and it starts very energetically to list what he wants... from a child(!). Walking this path of shifting responsibility from themselves to the child's parent inevitably gets into a situation "the broken trough". Therefore, the task of the psychologist strongly "to translate arrows" on the one who "complains". If he has a lot of energy to complain about others, you should understand that he has the energy to change anything in their behaviour. (as they say: "his energy, Yes in the peace purposes").
the Most responsible and difficult for the expert can be joint with a parent working to find resources that can help them build new relationships and ways of interacting with the child. Resource for the client can be not only (not so much) support from family members, society, but most of all, actually caring about themselves,about their health and interests.
Child hard enough to grow up independent, stable, confident and their needs, if the next parent is emotionally unstable, tired, exhausted and insecure.
This algorithm can be used in advising parents of children without special needs.
the Most common examples of how parents set goals at the beginning of the consultation:
formulating the objectives of the parent
Feelings, sometimes behind it.
the Needs that may lie deeper.
Manipulation of the child ("Do with him, so-and-so")
Fear of losing control, fear of incompetence, insolvency
Need of security
"Scouting secrets" ("You talk to him, and then tell me, explain")
Fear of intimacy
the Need to trust, to share inner experience.
"Advise what do I do."
the Avoidance of choice, fear that they are not ready for the consequences.
the Need for confidence, peace of mind
a Hint of "NALOGOVAYA - nie", "childlike" behaviour of the parent with the child ("we adults, understand for yourself what I have")
Fear of openness, own immaturity
Need to take "child"
"Understand, I feel so bad and hard..."
Loneliness, fear of rejection
the Need to feel needed
"is it possible to change something!?"
the Fear of change (panic) and despair
the Need for consistency to understand what is happening
"I told you everything (a), and now You are a specialist, You know better."
the Fear of responsibility, fatigue
the Need for peace and private space
a Request for support in finding one's own resources
dissatisfaction with the ways of resolving difficulties
the Need for greater maturity
the parent query Reformulation serves the purpose of ensuring the psychological safety of the child.
you Should understand that the business of parent with a child with features of development has its own specifics and difficulties. It can be prolonged in time and don't have that quick result as working with a normal family with children. And that's another story.