In recent years, increasingly we are approached by parents of young children with the request of the remedial work with their child due to the fact that they are "exhausted", "worn out", "don't know what to do with it"...

the Average age of these children is approximately 3 years. It is not surprising that at this age the parents have difficulties with child-rearing. Because this age is characterized by one of the difficult occurring crises in the development of the child. In psychology there is the concept of "crisis 3 years", however this figure is indicative, middle. Every child is unique and unrepeatable, and, consequently, develops differently. One child in the crisis coming in 2 years, another 4 years. But the difficulties experienced by parents were very similar.

The characterized the crisis of three years? We usually say to parents: "Congratulations, You have been born a PERSONALITY!" Yes, that's right. In this age, the child separates himself from the world. He used to see themselves as part of it, calling himself in the third person: "Bob wants to walk", etc.). At this age the child begins to understand that he is a he and the world around – it is not. And starts to regain "their place under the sun", demanding: "I zip up my jacket!", "I don't want to go there, do this!", etc.

But on the path of personal formation of each child are these "difficult" adults who only know the words: "No and no". Here is the baby and has to try parents on "weak", when defining boundaries. Because most of these borders depend on the future parent-child relationships. So who at this time more need psychological help: parents or children?

of Course, sometimes it happens that the child is born with developmental disabilities. In this case, ideally the family need psychological support perinatal psychologist (there is such a specialization), which works with the family during pregnancy, birth and development of the young child (under 3 years). But this is the ideal. Unfortunately, in our post-Soviet society is the situation is extremely unfavorable, and in General psychological culture.

So the parents appeal to us with a request about helping us understand. But the need to write this article is that to explain to everyone who applied to us parent on the phone why we work with children only 4-5 years, and won't work with their three year old child, very difficult. Maybe some of them will read this article, and he will understand the reasons.

When we on the phone talking to parents that in their case, you need to work more with them than with the child, some of them are indignant: "Yes, we have tortured, tried everything, nothing helps, do something with it!" The point is just that parents usually can not imagine that "something". But correctional-developing work of the psychologist with the child is serious work that requires from a child focused attention, overcoming the difficulties and obstacles in the implementation of, for example, kinesiology or breathing exercises. And the child needs to be ready for it, i.e. volitional processes have to be developed at this level, when a child understands what and why he should do something that shows the psychologist.

Therefore, even with young, four or five years clients, we start with goal setting, clarification of the problem with which he came to us. Of course, this is not so, as with adult clients, and problem we denote it, baby, level. But it is necessary in order to set the child to work. Otherwise it will not work on one child's interest to a new office toys in it, etc. will not get far, after a maximum of two classes, the child lost interest. And here already plays the role of volitional effort of the child to reach the goal: to stop to act up, stutter, bite nails, fight, etc. And all this is possible not earlier, yet these volitional processes of the child "ripen" as the child's brain is not a smaller version of the adult brain, it "Matures", or develops gradually. Not coincidentally, the age of onset, for example, schooling is 6.5 - 7 years. In this age of cognitive mental processes necessary for learning (memory, attention, thinking, etc.) are already developed to a level that allows you to start teaching a child new knowledge is of an abstract character.

That's why, dear parents, effective psychological interaction with the child for the purpose of development or correction may not be earlier than 4, and the lag in the development from 5 years. Anticipate Your question: "what do we do now, because we have already exhausted?". Answer: you should go to a psychologist. Not with the purpose to adjust the child behavior, and to find new ways of interaction with their little "tyrant". Because in this article we have tried to give General information about what is happening with the child in a crisis period of development. But there are also problems of a private nature: the individual characteristics of the child, presence of diseases, especially neurological, family troubles, etc. All this is discussed and worked out in individual face-to-face work with parents and the psychologist.

the Article was first published on the website of the Psychological Studio "GROWTH" Saint-Petersburg:

© Elena and Alexander, Bazanchuk, psychologists-psychotherapists, neuropsychologists, family and personal psychologists for adults and children, Psychological Studio "GROWTH" Saint-Petersburg

Bazanchuk Alexander
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