We often don't know how to behave, when there is upset, crying man. The first an instinctive desire to soothe, to persuade, anything, if only he was here...didn't cry.

it is very difficult to make other people's difficult emotions, we feel the shyness and awkwardness when we see someone's tears – that's why we try by all means to stop the reaction of crying. Save yourself from emotional discomfort.

I Recently told rescuers about the rules of communication with victims in the disaster area, but this information is needed for everyone – because the people next to us everywhere. One of the acute stress reaction is crying, the tears - and that's the only reaction, in fact, no need to stop or terminate.

you can Cry when hurt, when scared, it's okay! You need to give the person that opportunity, which is healing in itself. Any psychologist extreme profile will tell you that to reassure, in the truest sense of the word, a person do not need. This does not mean that the grieving need to be left alone with his tears! On the contrary, the presence close to those who are bad – very necessary and important. It will help the person to feel that someone is near, that he is not alone. But to interfere no need to cry. Need...help.

In the audience asked me: and what to say when people cry?

I Suggest you first discuss what NOT to do.

the First thing that comes to mind is the phrase "All is well". This is one of the phrases-vyruchalochka, which jumps from language as something in itself, we do not even delve into its contents. But we do not know - whether. We may not know what is for a person "good." In some severe situations, this phrase sounds almost parodic acute, painful - after all, people in the time of grief and suffering, it seems that "good" will never be. Uttering the phrase, you run the risk of running into aggressive counter-reaction of the man : "You don't understand, you've never experienced!".

Second. You know the hardest thing being with a disturbed person? Not to give advice.

If you happen to be near the man who bad – keep from telling him how to act and what would you do in his place. This is important for several reasons:

1) Advice – a thankless task. Advises one, and then live with the consequences of another.

2) we often "know" what to do to another person, it is a pity that himself usually otherwise. Remember the adage: "someone else's misfortune handed divorce, and to his - mind I will not put".

3) it's Amazing how easily we identify the cause of all the problems the other person and waving a sword: "and you take it and tell her..." "Oh quit that you cling to this place!" "Divorce! Nothing can be done!" In the disordered state, a person suggestible and often willing to do as he is told. Then he can regret that he had acted as he suggested.

are You really willing to take responsibility for someone else's life? And absolutely sure that I know what is best?..

please Refrain from advice like you would not want to share their wisdom.

do Not say the phrase "Found anything to worry about, it's nonsense – you'll survive!". Variations: "in a year you won't remember a thing", "let it be", "it could be worse", "...And the children in Africa are starving". All these words negate the experiences of the person, devalue them – even if spoken with good intentions. Especially often this sin parents trying to calm a frustrated teenager. "Yes, you have a hundred of these! What is love like in 15 years!". Any man will hear only that he understand that his feelings are irrelevant, not important and closes on you forever.

"I told you so!" "Well, then you're to blame!", "How could you be so stupid?!?". These words are also in the anti-leaders. Even if for you it is obvious that the incident is the fault of man, it is not necessary to inform him. You should not take on the role of judges - I think there unnecessary explanations.

At this point, the audience is in disbelief: but what should I do?? What can I say, if it is not?

How to?

Crying is the most adaptive human reaction to a stressful situation. Crying is a reaction that allows you to react negative emotions, so the reaction of crying can be seen as normal and even desirable response in situations of heavy stress. It is therefore essential to give a reaction of crying to be held.

If a man cries, it is not necessary to calm down and try to stop the tears. If you really want to help just be there. If the person is close enough to you – it is possible, and even necessary, to maintain physical contact - Pat on the shoulder, to take the hand. It will help the person to feel that someone is near, that he is not alone.

it is Important to use techniques of "active listening", which helps to join the person on the verbal level. Give the man a chance to speak – do not judge what you hear, just listen. Talk about your feelings and the feelings of the victim – it is best to makes clear to others that understand, and that's what people need when they are bad.

When someone is upset, he is waiting for is not advice and certainly not rigorous evaluation. He wants to be just listened to – this is the healing for the one who is bad. So the answer to the question "How to help someone who is bad?" very simple. Just stay near. Share your support, listen to, be quiet together. This is a huge resource for a person experiencing grief or loss.