the
the couple face many challenges. They need to balance proximity/distance, solve the problem of the family hierarchy and areas of responsibility. During this period they need to spend a huge amount of talks and establish a variety of agreements on various issues (from values to habits).


marriage and family counseling (when there are children, parents of spouses), in my opinion, one of the interesting forms of interaction with multiple people. At work I pay attention to each individually and to all members of the family that came. Many books have been written and you very well know that the family is a separate unit of society with its own structure, its own special form of interaction within their family system and outside it. This is the cell of society, which performs a specific function and role positions that respect the tradition passed to them from older generations. The family is a separate system having its own set of rules and values and creating a new self-developing system branch.


All of the elements of the family system are interconnected. And if something happens to one of the family members changes the dynamics of the whole family. For primary diagnosis, when a family comes in with children or with one child, I use a technique of "Tell me who is where". When working with a child, watching the reaction of parents..and say what place, and accordingly the role the child assigns.


On a sheet of A4, ask the kid to stroke his hand. Each finger on the palm, to usurp the place of each family member and show who is where...and asked to interpret the child, which finger is responsible for what...the same way I continue to interact with each family member, then there is a common figure that occurs in the family system.

this technique is its interpretation:

thumb - sexy leader, provide for the family, material wealth, more steady and grounded.

the Index finger is hidden by the leader indicates the direction to move the family.

Middle finger - Confident, emotionally filled, showing unconditional love, keep the balance of the "take-give".

a ring finger - reject the family member gets a lot of attention, care, but not of the quality she deserves.

Pinky is the ward that require the most attention.

also, in working with the family system, I pay attention to the sibling position of the children and spouses, as someone who is a senior brother in the family, and someone's older sister that can affect the research in family communication.



I Want to offer you "role portraits" for the male and female line (Tomenu), I, this scheme helps in building the overall picture of family life.

Role-playing portraits in the male line:

older brother brothers: easily takes on power and responsibility; takes care of the younger in response, expecting loyalty and trust; sensitive and shy in relation to women; attractive to younger sisters; in need of male friendship; involved in the children's father, can be hypercentralism.

the Younger brother of the brothers: relying on men; a follower; not a natural leader; interested in the quality of life and joy of the moment; talented in scientific, technical and artistic activities; soft, compliant, loyal; unpredictable with women; contact with men is an important link in communication; relates to their children more as a companion.

big brother sisters - understands, appreciates and well worked with the women; not motivated for leadership, male chauvinism, men's clubs, materialism, and compulsive; in their lives sacrifices for women; involved in the Affairs of their children, but not excessively; his wife is the most important person in the family.

Younger brother sisters - involves women in care and service for their needs, is easily drawn to them with requests; charms of women, but does not understand them; appreciate, is in a privileged position in their family and in life in General; can easily take the lead; not keen on fatherhood, but panders to the desires of the wife, the companion and counselor in relation to children; not interested in male friendship.

the Only son: life prefers the company of older people expects from them; are confident and can rise to great heights; enjoying the attention, life, art, intellectual and cultural exchange, is not inclined to materialism; not motivated for fatherhood, but can spoil their children and severobaikal; the father figure is more important and meaningful.

Role-playing portraits female line.

Older sister of sisters: caring, giving instructions; she likes to be responsible for everything; responsibility and power are more important than wealth and property; intimidating men; hardly inferior; for her, children is more important than her husband may sursassite and suppress them.

little sister sisters: lively, impulsive; loving changes; attractive; competing with other women; working for the recognition; likes to be first; influenced; inclined to take risks; is interested in material things; attracted to men, but to compete with them; as a mother may need help.

Older sister of brothers: independent; strong; cares about men; men are the main interests in her life; not compete with them but needs their company; prefers men, material things, but can well manage property; loves to take care of children, prefers sons; almost not interested in friends.

the Younger sister of brothers: attractive to men; feminine, friendly; sensual and considerate; motivated more on her relationship with her man than work and wealth; receives care from her husband; a loving mother, but can be dependent and seductive; not interested in friendship with women.

Only daughter: surrounds himself in life older people and patrons; motivated more by approval; preference her in front of others, not the wealth; it is very close to his mother; spoiled or self-centered men; a good, faithful wife; would rather be a child than to care for the partner;individual friend rather than a group.

Gemini: differ from the others by its proximity to each other; one senior(th), and supervises other(s) dependent(s) and impulsive(th); can't imagine life without each other; relate to other siblings in the family with the same role positions.

Middle children: one of the roles usually stronger, but can have many roles; they may feel that they are neglected in the family.



it is Important to be grateful to the family system for what it is. And if each family member a different query, it is important to find what is different in common. After all, often talking about different things, it is essential for everyone to be heard. And if the crisis of family living, a natural crisis is a special time when it is important to look towards each other.

With respect to you, your systemic family, existential psychotherapist, child Gestalt therapist khitrova Olesya Gennadievnato my advice, you can call on phone:+7(999) 585-90-77 or +7(963) 463-85-18, in Person, Skype and viber. are Waiting for Your call!
khitrova Olesya
2018-08-26
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