If you call a small child or infant pain (this occurs when the mother does not make up for an urgent, basic need) reaction to her first rage, the baby will drown in cry of displeasure, to immediately do him good, but if the pain recur quite often (needs are chronically not replenished) and the help comes or comes not such as it should, with the help of protective mechanisms pain converted to hate.
Repeated interaction between the baby and mother are deposited in affective memory and have a dynamic structure, the passion(hatred) memory keeps in view, "I and Another". If the positive affects far more than the negative then represent "me and Other" to form a positive color -affection, if pain in the relationship was more than positive reinforcement, the way "I is Another" keep it in memory in a negative way, affection is violated . Guess now, why do some love Yes the world is in adult V/o dominated, and someone navezut-the whole world is unfriendly and unkind to them? Anyway, they think so from your subjective experience of perception.
the Sensation of pain is displaced into the depths of the unconscious, and the hatred remains, as a monument unlived pain. Hate is used to destroy the "bad object" that bring suffering, but the price of this destruction is the splitting of the psyche on the black-and-white perception, a perception of disconnection from feelings and needs.
That's why people experienced in infancy and early childhood, a lot of frustration(ignore their basic needs) not only understand their needs, they have difficult contact with their own feelings, their world is split into "black and white", "right and guilty" and there is a lot of hatred.
Few remember his early childhood, but the "pattern of relations" comes to life in horror in adult life, again and again, making you feel hatred to the man who brings suffering(as you yourself explain) and this strange phrase in which each painfully decides where to put a comma "is impossible to leave to survive." Again, the scenery are replaced, place hate Other periodically occupied by different people (spouses, colleagues, bosses, the state, nationality...), and the hatred, enmity, hostility remains .
Sometimes it is not emotionally charged, and there are different forms of "soft hate", for example, envy can be viewed as a primitive form of hate.
Another form of soft hatred, this desire to dominate the object, to have power over him, it doesn't matter by what means - money, sex, benefits, etc.
Another level of hatred is a commitment to the ideas of retribution and punishment to people not fit within a strict system of morals and norms followed by the people.
"Our people in the bakery on the taxi ride!"-remember the famous phrase of the house Committee of "Brilliant hands" and how righteous anger burned in her eyes?
the most Important goal of a person captured by hatred is to destroy its object , in the depths of the soul of man needs him and lust for him and with the same power of lust to destroy.
an Extreme form of hatred demands the physical destruction, the radical devaluation, which finds its outlet in a symbolic destruction of all objects, i.e. all potential relationships with significant Others.
Surely you know anyone of the people in your environment who are almost reclusive life.
Absolutely toxic to be captured by negative emotions 24/7 with people, that's why some find the solution is to isolate myself from people completely and from communicating with them. So a little bit to get a breather, but what about the fact that hatred will always find the property and will forward your "forces", for example for you the most?
People crowded the aggressive emotions tend to samarasosexy behavior that occurs during periods of intense fury or rage, mixed with bouts of depression. Really mad at someone, and then ACCIDENTALLY hit the car in an accident, get drunk, hit strongly about something or lost money. This can happen with everyone, but if there is a certain regularity when it happens after the trouble in the V/o is a Wake-up call. This behavior as an attempt to unconsciously childish to regain control over others through guilt: look what you did to me!-like the man says.
One of the common phenomena of self-destructive behaviour is an irresistible attraction to those people who don't reciprocate. Quite often I read threads on the forum about unrequited and unhappy love, when a partner is cheating, devalues, aggressive behavior, and even uses physical violence, while the man continues to be in such a relationship.
If you ask the question: what holds you with this person? Accustomed to hear the answer-love. But there is love, there is dependency. Keep in such of conscious or unconscious pleasure mixed with pain and aggression that is directed at yourself.
When a person forbids himself to enjoy life, staying in a painful of it is masochism, and when he begins to demand it from others is sadism. However one without the other does not exist.
This is another level of hatred that manifests itself in sadistic inclinations and desires to make its object to suffer together, can take the form of sexual perversion.
For sadism is the desire not to destroy, but to maintain a relationship with the hated object. The desire to cause pain and a feeling of pleasure from this are a mixture of aggression and excitement.
Hatred burns the soul hates, not the one at whom it is directed.
When a person comes to therapy there comes a time when he can understand their hatred and then lifted a layer, which sometimes is discouraging and frightening in its scope and the number of negative emotions. A person experiences himself as exposed nerve, without skin, because every interaction with Others is difficult. But the Other did not create your pain. Maybe he did something, said or not said, and thus hooked on your pain that was already inside. The other not guilty, even if you want to believe otherwise.
to Free himself from hatred and pain helps the process of grief, if you are able to take an honest look and assess the damage, if you manage to mourn their losses and bury their unfulfilled childhood hopes to change the mother, parents, spouse, partner, therapist, the world...., you will also be able to accept the reality "as it is", perhaps it will not be arranged the way you were expecting out of their children's illusions, but stop repeating the theatre of shadows - your children's horror. You will be able to manage your life and decide how you want to live it and not be powerless party a long time past, but again and again repeat the drama of childhood.
We humans, so firmly arranged, creatively come up with protection mechanisms to the understanding of ourselves that just as he said M. Murray: people will not change until the pain becomes so strong that it can not be changed.
But change is not so easy. Therefore, change is a process that occurs when the pain that you remain the same, your life will remain like this as you don't want to exceed the pain and difficulties we endure when changed.
- Otto Kernberg, Aggression in personality disorders/Ed. from English. A. F. Uskov-2018.-368