"a Common story: to make her — ordinary heroism"
(C) Franz Kafka
How often do your "Yes" is, Yes indeed, and your "no" is really no?
are you Familiar with a situation in which you are on the machine answer Yes / no to a proposal – and then perplexed asking yourself, "and what I agreed / refused?.."
I know. Oh, I know that there is a very important part of me that often wants to say any sentence "NO, leave me alone". But there is another part, almost ready to accept (most likely, in order to please a loved one – or whatever in order to please a loved one, and in fact, in order not to take any decision). I've known this about myself and with these parts we are familiar with.
the Trouble is that both the reaction and the other option of the decision, usually then causes a vague or clear sense that something "not" and wrong. Because she and other reaction – they like mine, but not mine. They are automatic, they follow not because I consciously considered the proposal and adopted decision (I wonder whether it's me? if I'm comfortable with – or it goes against my other plans? in the mood I? whether I am something or all I need is to go to bed early?.. ), but because I am predisposed to react a certain way in certain situations. We are all predisposed. And sometimes it is very convenient! But sometimes not – because later, I suddenly realize that it is my most precious free time, and I signed up for something you don't want to do and do from the very beginning did not want (and no way back! *sounds suspenseful music*).
important point: if you find yourself in such a situation, it is important not to deny themselves the opportunity mind. Not necessarily the fact to change his decision, but leave the conscious ability to consider the offer and possible options and to change your mind if your being protests against a hasty decision. You have such a right, Yes. And "I understand that they do not want / do not want / I'm not very comfortable" is a good reason!
... I Wonder that sometimes our mind can go to the trick and "change your mind" on their own, without our direct participation, given some "randomness": you can get sick, you can suddenly eat something, to lose the keys... the mass of options. But they are usually not very pleasant themselves.
... the Issue here is multifaceted. Of course, this is largely the topic of self-realization and my borders. How I understand and realize what I want and what is not? As I understand your needs and desires right here and right now, at this particular moment? I think I have a right to follow them? Or I don't have this right now because I have other people, because "well, I already said Yes"?.. Yes, this topic and about the habits in interactions with others too.
If you know that sometimes you get trapped and feel in these situations, that "something is wrong", then:
* Not take it or leave it immediately, and give yourself plenty of time to think.
* Meditate one minute on the topic sentence: you can just imagine the expected situation that was Saturday night and you go to the movies with friends (...on a date with this person / to visit a friend... ) – how do you like this picture? what do you feel? does unsweetened thought "Oooh, and I wanted to stay home and... "? Feel your feelings and consider emerging ideas. And make a fair decision, one way or another – it will be yours.
* feel free to suggest changes or even alternatives if something isn't inspiring. Surely you know, as often awkward and strange situations such as: "I actually didn't want a movie... Oh, actually I do, I thought what you want you suggested..! – I thought you wanted!". Still dissatisfied and still do not understand "how did that happen?!".
Very often we get tired and decide do not want (and want cocoa and a handle, for example).
I feel that the decision would be taken "very" – but it is not accepted, in actual fact. Possible options for spontaneous decisions (example: "we will go there-then the place can decide what to do"), but it still has the same moment of decision..! Or have the ability to afford to make that decision to another person. That is not always easy, because you need to trust this important mission. And if I can trust another person? Let him decide for me, too? A separate big topic. Maybe I'm too tired (or Vice versa: in such a good mood!), in these conditions – they are. In any case, pass a decision must be consciously, because there is a risk of then to be unhappy and critical of the party.
Mindfulness, as in most cases, is a universal key.
How tired I was, I know I shouldn't let the situation slide; it is worth spending a moment of time (a minute! just a minute is enough!) to to scan your condition, your feelings and just understand that for me now would be more appropriate. To recognize this and not be ashamed to say this about another person. In the end, friends, loved ones, and the opportunity to honestly tell about your mood, status, desires -- that is the advantage of intimacy, of friendship. But if it's not about the friends and loved ones with ... hmm, what's the difference? :) (... it may well be that there is a difference and that for me is somehow important... but that's another story!)
take care, friends, take care of your mood and your desires!