Unrequited love is a fairly well described phenomenon. Much has been said about what such "asymmetric" relationships, especially if they are long, tend to people who had a childhood attachment disorder.
One of the important reasons for keeping the person in a non-reciprocal relationship, it is impossible to realize the fact that it is not love. If this fact comes to mind and accepted part becomes easy. However, this moment is the most difficult, it requires a lot of energy.
Why unrequited loves are so hard to see and admit the obvious – that he does not like this particular person? The fact that the object of his love replaces parental figure, attachment to which in childhood had been violated.
has a history of unrequited loves is the situation that one parent (and sometimes both) didn't love this child. The flow of the dislike may be different – it can be a permanent rejection or rejection in certain periods, ill-treatment or rejection, that is not expressed outwardly. The reason for the dislike can be so much that it is not necessary here to enumerate.
When growing up such person has a cognitive problem – as a rule, he is not able to recognize the fact that he was unloved. Includes any protective mechanisms that allow anyway to explain the behavior and the attitude of the parent. With a huge variety of children's fantasies, they are usually missing one thing - the acceptance of the fact of the dislike of the parent.
on the other hand, we know that children – small, and adults very often blame their parents dislike. But, oddly enough, in the indictment there is no acceptance of fact. The difference between the prosecution and the acceptance is that the acceptance of the fact means separation from the parent, and the charges are a continuation of the infantile oneness with him.
a Man accused parent does not recognize the fact of lack of love, and requires that the reality was different: You were supposed to love me! It demonstrates disagreement with the fact. Through the charges and the requirement of love is manifested in the continuation of the merger with the parent in adulthood.
a healthier option for the treatment of dislike arises, if a person had two parents, one of whom gave him love. Relying on the love of that parent, adult can clearly see that other parent for whatever their reasons, didn't love him. He has enough resource to accept the facts.
But it is almost impossible for those who had a single parent (often mother) that didn't love them. In this case, a person has no resource to see the fact and deal with it.
for this reason adult for a long time stuck in unrequited love, may not realize that he does not love his elect. For that, he needs to realize that the dislike of parent that this choice replaces, for which he simply has no strength, no resource. He mifologiia and justifies the behavior and attitude of the elect is exactly the same as the behaviour and attitudes of their parents. It creates a tight veil of illusion that protects him from the facts.
If he finds a resource to realize and accept the fact unloving parents, unrequited love for the chosen ends by itself. Taking the dislike of a parent resigned to the reality that he is unable to change, the person begins to see clearly the fallacy of his attachment to those who do not share his feelings.
This release of clarity is the consequence of separation, of growing up and separating from the parent figure that requires a lot of personal resources, the ability to rely on themselves and a long period of grief.
he's not looking for a man who will play the role of Deputy parent figure. He is no longer looking for unrequited love.