Bookstores are filled with books, which reveal the secret of confident behavior, journal articles are encouraged to emphasize the confidence to develop it. Many people every day use the technique to help you become a more confident, to play the role of a confidence man and, changing before our eyes, become who we wanted to be. But it so happens that the techniques used meet internal resistance, work does not produce results, instead of confidence, comes the disappointment. Try to understand why this is so.
What is confidence? Confidence is the ability to assess themselves and find their valuable qualities and the ability to realize the value and appreciate themselves for their existence. So simple and yet so difficult. On the one hand, somewhere deep down, we believe in ourselves, and with another — believe that the confidence will come after our change for the better, after our achievements. In the first case, manifests our inner "hero", and the second – inner "pig".
the Internal "hero" is a healthy part of our that believe in us, accept all the troubles, cares and encourages. Internal "pig" is part of the neurotic who questions our abilities, gives to learn from failure experience and is a list of them and from time to time slips it to us.
As there is an internal "pig" that feeds her?
Jorge Bukay in his book "Sea of Europe" presented the process of the birth of the internal "pigs": we have two images I – Perfect and I – Real. The way I often develops an Ideal of what man demanded of parents, teachers, religion. I – Perfect is a magnified image of yourself. I'm Real – I visible, real, tangible, is not what should be, in my opinion, is what it is actually.
the Difference between these two images creates conflict: unpleasantly aware of the difference between the images I – Perfect and I – Real. Awareness of the difference large or small between these two images gives rise to a decision to change. This in turn increases demands on themselves, and as a result efforts are being made to change and be gradually transformed into the image of the ego Ideal.
But sooner or later comes the realization that many do not apply effort, and the unattainable image of the Ideal I. As a result, hopes are shattered and you feel yourself a loser. Desire, strength and willingness to change are depleted. The whole gamut of unpleasant sensations manifested in the result of a sharp decline in self-esteem and, consequently, to the deterioration of an opinion about himself, i.e. about the I – Real. Thus, the difference between the ego Ideal and the ego Real increases. And the inner "pig" is a leader.
- How to topple from its pedestal? you ask.
you Can try to get rid of the ego Ideal, because there will be nothing to compare themselves, not a imaginary difference, will not be there myself to demand something or to deal with criticism.
You can argue that if there is no image of the ideal I, then you will freeze in the development of successful and confident definitely will not. On the contrary, changes will be possible and better if you accept yourself and care about yourself, because criticism and underestimation will not be your guides to confidence. Taking yourself real, you get the possibility of knowing yourself, understanding what and how should be improved, but not as a tribute to the pursuit of the perfect image I, and as caring about ourselves.
"the Right personal growth never begins with self-criticism and underestimation of himself. Nobody can become better out of fear. No one grows when depressed. Nobody wants to change on demand." Jorge Bucay
PS And on what image you are targeting: I'm Perfect or I'm Real? Can you make yourself a real?
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