There are people who believe that without violence against a nothing in life is not achieved. And they used to refer rigidly, strictly and without sentimentality.

When a person comes to therapy, it usually turns the process into something painful. A psychologist is someone who needs to coerce and torment the patient. The patient feels correct and disciplined, and therapist to those who need to urge that "the process moved".

And all because the patient only two poles functioning. On one, he wants nothing, he needs nothing, it is hard to force yourself to do something, he's not very interested in his life, his work, etc. let's Call this pole is relatively "lazy" or "calving". And there is another pole, where you have to force yourself, kicking ass and "move". It is the conventional pole "castigator". And here is the man here and there.

When it "lazy", he is relaxed and has fun, but scolds himself, feels guilt, feels "bad". And when "castigator", there's the other extreme, no joys and pleasures, but you can feel "good", "right", something to achieve.

When dealing with such people, it seems to me the child "pulls" adult. "Do this, do that", "don't be lazy", "what do you think, life's easy.", "so you do in life will not succeed", etc. In this story the child is always a passive figure, he himself doesn't know what he wants, him and not interesting, it just follows that he requires a strict parent. "So behind". Or less abused. Or not to feel stupid, lazy and bad.

then it turns out that the child grew up, and I do not know anything about themselves, about their desires and goals, not able to feel the joy of life (except when all behind him, and don't want anything).

The saddest thing is that such people do not suspect that there are other ways to act. And these methods absolutely not about violence.

here is some

1. Gaming relation to reality. If there is, people perceive a lot in life as an interesting and fascinating process. He wants to learn something new, understand something more deeply, to try different, to include imagination and imagination to creatively perceive their work, relationships, whatever. Remember how exciting and sometimes long kids can play their created games and not get tired. Them is really interesting.

With patients, which I write, most likely almost never "played", and they have not formed such a playful attitude to reality. Or you make, and you don't need or leave you alone, then you are bad and lazy, and you don't want to, you useless spend your time.

it seems to Me such a strict adult, which requires from the child is correct, serious, not playing with the child, not kidding. Adult is included only to criticize or something to teach, criticize. And in that contact there is no place for fun and spontaneity.

2. Curiosity. Curiosity is a great power. The same therapy can be perceived as samoopredelenie or coercion on the part of the therapist. But you can, for example, feel interest, curiosity to his inner world and immerse themselves in the process with a therapist.

unfortunately, people with samolechenie little capable of that reckless and mischievous curiosity. Although, if you think about it, a child of nature – being curious. And all these "why" and the desire to learn something, to see where to climb, where no one would think of an adult.

But curiosity can kill, if the little man constantly monitored. "Don't touch it", "do not go there", "it's impossible". There are also mocking all sorts of childish things.

There are, of course, appropriate prohibitions, but very often adults try too hard to make the child someone serious, docile, controlled. And then killed the curiosity. So then the baby grows, and I'm not interested.

to add the optimism in the article, I will say that working with a psychologist can help such patients to learn how to play, to feel more joy, pleasure, less on yourself and to achieve something in life.