Dolly the Sheep was angry or ...Caution – Victim !!!

Reflections of a psychologist.

me every day to seek help people in a variety of life situations and most of them are stuck in the delicious role of the Victim. And all of them wrong: destiny is unhappy, the state did not provide something, mom dad poor childhood to short-change partners – the bastards don't want to give unconditional love, children are ungrateful.... etc. My goal as a therapist to be very careful with the inclusion of these complaints, there is a high risk of falling into the position of Rescuer. External alleged weakness, such people have hoarded a huge, enormous, tremendous strength, Aggression! And they do not use judges, suppress and whine.

Here is what it says about such behaviors B. Hellinger:

" the role of the victim - the most sophisticated form of revenge... be careful. Victims need to be extremely careful... I see you're happy with your problem. I don't dare to break that happiness...". A very wise psychotherapy position!

the Victim – a dark view of himself, which makes you feel humiliated, defeated or in pain. This condition of weakness and helplessness that is born of human need and dependence. Subconsciously or unconsciously, man hiding from himself, from the fact that he gave tacit consent to be a Victim. These hidden motive forces include attempts to defend itself from fear, the desire to win others, which is expressed in the form of revenge and rebellion.

the position of the Victim always has a negative impact on the person, because it becomes the excuse and reason to "do it my way". As soon as we realize the hidden forces that move us, to make us the Victim becomes more difficult. This situation allows us to do what we want, or not to do anything you don't want to. It's part of a man's struggle with parental figures. It's a way to bury your talent, not to follow his destiny. This preference to remain under the control of their own or someone else, than to trust the inner voice.

This is a form of aggression directed both inward and outward. The position of the Victim can hide enormous rage, which a person hides within himself. It is a sacrifice that people are willing for the sake of someone in particular, or the whole family. This is an attempt to prove something, a way to hold on to someone or something. The victim is seeking attention and address specific needs. This reinforcement of the Ego and the opportunity to indulge their weaknesses, complaint and accusation is not only against those who make a man a Victim, but certain people, and God that allows such.

the Person holding the position of the victim is in a childlike state and does not want to grow (will it !), not willing to take a place among equals, is a constant game of "Swing" (adjust to the communication partners Top – to-Bottom). And no matter how hard the Rescuer, the Victim will be forever unhappy (not all, not few), forming the borders with the Victim makes it severe attack of aggression and the desire for revenge. The victim is the Shadow behind which man hides from his own effort, talents, not willing to take responsibility for your life.

In my practice I see a variety of mask, behind which hides the Victim: Forever Whining, the Eternal Student (be very careful, you will try to put in the position of a Teacher – Guru, isn't it tempting !), Forever Poor, Forever Poor, Loser /Loser, Loser /Sufferer, Oligophrenic (here's a big ambush: it can be adults the people playing the fools and the real children, adolescents with clinical mental retardation conclusion, playing as Unteachable), boy /Girl whipping, incomplete, suicide, etc. typically, in the family system these people a lot of latent aggression, which appears somewhere in a conscious way, somewhere unconsciously.

the Question is, how is it to be? Very simply, if you feel that you for no reason want to kill a cute, kind, "priyatstvenno", "angelic" voice of the interlocutor, or, at least, to hit him – you know you are attacked, you want to swallow! In such situations, will come into effect your own role!

so, to protect themselves from the aggression of the victim:

- learn their patterns of behavior,

- work with your Squad, Executioner,

- explore, develop and learn to manage their own aggression,

- work with building and protecting their own physical and energetic boundaries.

And when you feel that you are attacked , although at the external level all is well, then it is done!