When we enter into relationships with Narcissists, mentally unbalanced or emotionally closed people, there's always an element of danger and unpredictability.
the easiest way to determine how you are involved in different types of relationships, is to follow your emotions. If you fly from happiness in the seventh sky, and a minute later plunged into the abyss of despair, most likely, you are Dating someone who have impaired ability to experience intimacy.
When somebody pulls away from us, human nature tells us a firmer hold on him. Every time we are confronted with the idea that someone no longer wants to be with us or do not want to take care of us, our emotions fall. We are moving into full panic, and all of our fears and complexes come to the surface. This person becomes the center of our attention. We can no longer live a normal everyday life, because this man has so much control over our happiness and despair, he becomes the reason for our existence, and all we can think is “I have to return it”.
This is a very strong feelings. Our nervous system is in a state of high alert, and we do everything to stop the pain and suffering.
When the object of our suffering, decides to reappear in our lives, we feel as if just got heavy after drug withdrawal. The pain subsides and we can calm down and relax. Again we can operate and feel a huge relief. The reason for leaving this man in fact does not matter because we are just so glad that he is back, that will suit any justification of this act.
Reconciliation leads to a burst of passion. Every time we have something to lose, and then get it again - we experience a double pleasure. Imagine that you've been sitting on a diet and ate a piece of chocolate. You put this little piece in your mouth, it melts on your tongue… You know it's bad and wrong, but you just can't resist. The same thing happens when it comes to your Narcissus. When they return, the sex is indescribable. The softness of their skin, their touch, their smell perevodyat us to euphoria. At least for a while... Then the dance begins again.
Most people do not understand why their partner doesn't want to always have the same sensual relationship, both at the stage of reconciliation – it's so good! They are trying to understand why someone they love pulls back, then how to be together – it's pure bliss.
the Answer is simple and obvious, but we don't see it. When you experience ecstasy and euphoria, your partner experiencing very different feelings.
the Emotional UPS and downs that you suffer from, it creates these intense feelings. This roller coaster ride of emotions leads to such intensity that you simultaneously feel hundreds of different emotions. A massive rush of endorphins to your nervous system leaves you feeling like you can never feel the same towards anyone else, if no one else can evoke such depth of feeling or excitement. Thus was born an addiction. You will start to believe that you two have a deep connection that no one will ever be able to recreate. And are you sure it is love.
But your partner thinks the same about you, and it definitely does not feel towards you the same way. Besides, he was not riding on a roller coaster. He moves away from you, because he feels trapped, suffocating from fear and anxiety. Care – the only way to get rid of these feelings. And when everything calms down, again he begins to fear that he was alone. Thus, it may not go far and leave you forever, because he needs someone for whom he will be Mr. Wonderful. He needs love, attention, sex – that is, everything that you give him. So he comes back before his anxiety reaches its peak.
this happens because Narcisse has broken the ability to experience intimacy. They are afraid of intimacy. The proximity causes them great anxiety. They avoid intimacy, because can't show his true self. Their whole personality – it is a Mirage, a construction that they themselves have created. The self-esteem of a narcissist based solely on how they are perceived by others, and not on who they really are. So every time you approach him too close, he runs away. Therefore, the narcissist will always keep you at a distance.Breastbreast – is a normal stage of development of most romantic relationships. It thus develops and deepens real love. Intimacy – this is when partners trust each other enough to fully reveal himself and to let them see who we really are. Passion in the beginning of the relationship evolves into a deep and mutual trust; in the belief that your partner will be there; he wants to be in a relationship; that his feelings are mutual. In such a relationship comfortable, they are filled with mutual love, kindness and respect.
the Real intimacy has no huge emotional UPS and downs narcissistic relationship. So, if you are involved in an emotional roller coaster, you can sound boring really close relationship. When we take the passion for intimacy, we will never be satisfied with relationships that do not cause us the UPS and downs. That's why many run away from normal, healthy people who really want to give us the relationship that we claim we want.
We are mistaken in thinking that real love must have a high intensity of feelings, but it's not, at least not always and not at this level. Ultra-high intensity of feelings is only due to the huge emotional UPS and downs that occur when a relationship is like a seesaw. In a narcissistic relationship is no middle, then as it grows the intimacy.
Recently on holiday I met a couple who for 22 years happily married. I watched them interact with each other as they look at each other, talking, flirting with each other. They took pleasure in making each other happy. They laughed a lot. Looks that between them there is complete trust, and they give each other the opportunity to be themselves and to grow. They have joint activities, such as swimming and Hiking, and activities that they like individually – when the husband went diving, the wife read the books. In their relationship there is a roller coaster of emotions, fear, anxiety and pain, but there is mutual love, kindness and respect.
It looks like a real closeness. Therefore, if you notice that your relationship is constantly soar and fall, not having the means, to understand that intimacy will never grow in such conditions. All of this generates only dysfunction, traumatic ties and emotional dependency, which is difficult to overcome.
If you want a happy and truly intimate relationship, you need to learn to recognize these patterns and to understand the difference between passion and intimacy. If your relationship does not have means, that it's not a relationship, and it's time to get off the roller coaster and try a different kind of drive.
