Today I want to tell you about a fairly new method of family therapy, or couples therapy called "Emotionally-focussed therapy."

Emotionally-focussed therapy (EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) - appeared in the 80 years of the twentieth century. The Creator of the method Susan Jonson to this day alive and well. Now this is a very promising direction for family therapy, the success of which is largely due to two factors: 1) fairly rapid results, 2) the formation of emotional intimacy in a couple, the development of an entirely new level of understanding. How are these quick results and emotional intimacy? Let's try to understand.

EFT combines systemic family and rogerians approach to therapy and is based on the theory of attachment. What does it mean, to be human, and not therapeutic language?

When working with EFT couple therapist does not look at each spouse and their psychological problems, in fact, the therapist works with the couple! He works with their relations. EFT therapist in the position that people can be different features and "cockroaches", but for the success of therapy is not important, because everyone is special, nobody is perfect, there is no "gold standard normality". The EFT therapist seeks to drive a couple in some of his ideas about the ideal happy family, because I am convinced that regardless of our personal characteristics, we are able to establish close and deep relationships, and it's not in the nature of each of us, and that is between us in our relationship. (and that's what makes EFT and systemic family therapy)

the Role of emotions in our logical, structured, success-oriented and effectiveness of the criminal low life. We often do not feel, do not feel loved, suppression is the main way to cope with emotions. But emotions are the colors of life, the fuel of motivation, our main driver. And we are not in contact. Most of us even emotions are not recognized and not understood. Meanwhile, close relationships are built on emotions, and the couple, whose relationship is going through hard times, experiencing the disorder at the level of feelings and emotions. In the course of his work as a family therapist, Susan Johnson noticed that the conflicts that occur within the couple, similar to each other, as twins. The causes of conflicts may be different, but the script of the drama, "the dance" which is performed by the couple, is always the same, although for each pair. And this dance, which Susan called "negative cycle", is based on the fact that spouses hurt (often intentionally) primary (underlying, unconscious) emotions to each other, which causes secondary (conscious and often violent) emotions on the basis of which carried out "military action". The goal of EFT therapy is to help spouses identify and recognize their negative cycle, to realize and to tell what the primary emotion is hurt, and thus begin to understand each other better, and then rebuild the negative cycle into a positive is to learn to act differently, not to hurt each other, but if it happened to react differently from the trust, and not of resentment, not to develop a conflict. In the language of psychology this is called "form a healthy attachment between spouses".

in order to make this possible, the therapist must create a safe atmosphere at the session should encourage spouses to talk about their feelings (not to each other, but at least the therapist in the presence of a spouse), should help to identify and understand their emotions, accept them. And here are just EFT takes much of the client-centered therapy of Carl Rogers, which is based on course is a positive attitude to the customer, acceptance, belief in the actualization of innate human tendencies towards growth and development of his personality in accordance with what the person needs to be is in nature.

these three main factors allow to achieve amazing results in working with couples.

Yulia Pustynnikova
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