Continue to read a book by Susan Forward "Emotional blackmail."
Emotional blackmail is most often found in close relationship, where we love, care for and receive care and love. Blackmailing or allowing the possibility of blackmail, we thereby destroying the most precious – intimacy with loved ones.
Emotional blackmail can be clear and crude:
- over my dead body...
If you don't listen – you're not sigmoidicity....
Blackmail may be hiding under the guise of love, care, or weakness, needs of children or of calling for justice.
what do you think, in these lines from popular songs, emotional blackmail or love call?
"If you won't love me the same evening I die."
"Like air and water,
I need one."
"If I invented you – become such as I want."
How to recognize a face, where instead of care already starts the violence, and how not to cross that line, not to become a soulless tyrant?
Susan Forward gives 6 steps of emotional blackmail:
1. The demands of the blackmailer.
Requirement differs from the proposal in that it is not discussed, hard and consistently presented as the only possible
2. The resistance of the victim.
In response to the refusal or resistance of the partner, the blackmailer uses
3. Pressure blackmailer - otsutstvie dialogue, the accusation(lack of love, care, desire to do better....) –
4. Threats and promises - while the victim does not surrender and does not agree to the proposal. If so, then... And could pay, if...
5. The consent of the victim. You are a prisoner e W
6. The repetition of the process.
you know this process?
it is Not necessary any persistent offer to take over ASH. A defining feature of the present EL it never ends. Emotional blackmailer, gives a bit of respite, and the cycle of violence repeats itself.
I think, a prerequisite ES: the needs, the wishes of the victim are not taken into account.
To ASH added usage:
- regular dinners at mom's overgrown children – as if they have no other interests. The desires of mothers to see their children very clear, and they are satisfied. And desire adult children, who themselves are parents, they are really happy to spend every weekend behind my mother's Desk?
- the employment of school with friends of one of the spouses, when all the responsibilities about children, about life on the other. I work hard, I bring "mammoth" teeth, and you sit at home.
the Blackmailer takes its arguments as an obvious truth. This is another attribute of the blackmailer, he can't present the opposite point of view, he is absolutely sure of himself and his opinion. The blackmailer as if you do not see the needs of another.
This confidence is hypnotic effect you agree. But left alone with a feeling of some kind of wrong. As if not wishing we had swallowed something inedible.
so, Emotional blackmail is repeated periodically, the blackmailer has no doubt in its arguments, in its motion to the goal, he does not consider your interests.
And why exactly are we talking about the fact that someone is a blackmailer?
I Propose to have the courage to ask: what is my role?
Susan Forward formulates this as follows:
"When I'm selfish, and when one respects their own interests and priorities?
How can I do or give to not feel resentment or depression?
If I succumb to blackmail, I do not violate your integrity?"
Easy to declare blackmailer villain, try to change it.
you Can write a slogan: the Blackmailer – change. We know it's not valid.
if you look from another point of view :
Where is my weakness? What my weakness is used by the blackmailer?
What I can't stand?
if your surrounded by those who can resist this emotional blackmail, to stand where you do not get?