the

the last group got a topic of resentment.

How hard it is sometimes to accept that: well, one should not do what you expect from it! In the sense that it is not necessary from him, it is imperative to expect that he will certainly do this. Especially if you are bound by any obligations of kinship ties, for example.

for Example, a friend you promised to take you to point "A" at 18: 00 and will pick you up. But now 18-10, and its all there and no answer. And you went to the bus in about 20 minutes, and inside – the indignation is no limit. And then you meet him and as if nothing had happened: no embarrassment, no apology. And he had no force majeure. "How could you!", you do not understand.

Or

You my friend have shared something intimate, and she told the whole world. "I was not expecting this!"

Or

Met a man, met a couple of times, and then he was gone, no calls, no writes. "That asshole!"

Or

You are very busy, constantly late, understand your value as an employee. And the salary you not add, even after your talk about a raise. And new staff hires in connection with increase in volumes. "Asshole! Using us as slaves!"

Well, it should behave differently?

No, should not. Not for reasons of conscience, morality, humanity, and just because he's the man, he was so easy, he was so fine. Maybe you can't and he can. In his understanding: "And so what? Well my plans have changed. Couldn't call."
"don't like the salary? Well, nobody here not hold!"

Offended, as a rule, want to "bully" admitted that he was wrong to apologize. But he is in no hurry... and this is even more offensive.

What you need to not be offended?

For starters, learn not to build expectations and to be prepared for any outcome.

Get – well, no – well, no court, no. And the outcome will show whether to continue to communicate with this person? Whether you can trust her your secrets? Whether to continue to work hard in this place?

But this is the most difficult. Therefore, the most severe grievances against parents, children and spouses. 😑

Agreed to meet? Be prepared for any eventuality. Allow any outcome. And this applies to absolutely everything! ALL plans, contacts, appointments. "What best can happen if you attend this meeting?" ("He will come with flowers and an apology"), "What's the worst that could happen?" ("He backs out, then me again, and I will miss my favorite show for a long time dreamed to go").

But touchy people is not so simple... Hurt is a condition that is quite familiar. From it is not so easy to give up. Like any habit, it has its own benefits. But more on that later.

what I like of the group, it is possible to live to see other models of response, communication, perception.

"Touchy" to see how it responds to the same things "are never offensive". At first she does not believe, then shokiruete, then surprised. And Woo-a-La, she already surprised! And what is most interesting: "bully" suddenly out of the blue sends apology text. But the train's gone, before I had. :) So does the space on your internal change.

Resentment: a few important thoughts



Ekaterina Sokolova
2018-11-19
Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

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