How to teach a child not to be afraid of your emotions, recognize them and live? Parents can better help the child cope with emotions if they know how to deal with their emotions, to be in contact with them. Most often, we treat their emotions as they treated us parents when we had them tested. For example, if in childhood when the baby cried, it was left alone or the parent pretended that nothing was happening, the child might decide that tears should be ashamed of, to hide and show. Or he could be afraid to be alone with their emotions and make every effort to suppress the tears that my mother started to communicate with him and ignored. Then in adulthood such a person will be avoided to Express sadness, don't allow yourself to cry and hard to suppress these feelings.
If a child in the manifestation of joy adults responded with the phrase: "That laugh, you'll cry soon!", then after a while there may be a ban on the open expression of joy. Or if a child is angry, parents sometimes get angry in response. Then the child may be angry and even more including can use anger for getting contact.
the Child can learn how to live through their emotions, if the parent at this point will be in contact with the child. Contact can manifest in different ways. It can be the arms; talk and explanation of what is happening with the child; just being near (but parent not involved in their business, and keeps the attention on the child); the explanation of the situation that caused the feelings; offer options for how to deal with the feelings or situation, etc.
Sometimes there is the objection that if the child is to give contact when the expression of strong feelings, he would then show these feelings to get attention. For example, cry manipulating for adults. Such situations are likely to occur if the child's need for contact with parent a little satisfied, and the child gets the parent's attention only when something happens. If the need for contact is upheld, the child has no need to obtain the attention of adults in this way.
contact with the child is the indispensable Foundation for that child learned to live my emotions and not ignore them or suppress. If a child receives a contact, he can learn and develop their skills.
Giving contact child, the parent would create a safe space where children can show their status and to feel secure and accepted even with difficult experiences. This occurs when the parent hugs the child and gives him time to cry. Then the child learns that his feelings can be given the space and time for their manifestation. And it can be internal space and external. If there is a space inside where the emotion is and when it is not suppressed and not ignored, then we can consciously choose how and when to exercise. The next step would be naming emotions and feelings of the child. Verbalizing emotions, parent teaches the child to recognize the feelings he is experiencing. He is happy, sad, angry or upset. A child has a dictionary to refer to their conditions.
Another step is learning different ways of showing their feelings. We all somehow studied themselves and teach their children through imitation, an imitation, but only we do it unconsciously. But we can specially offer the child different ways to Express feelings. These methods can be both constructive and destructive. For example, if anger is to talk about it, raise your voice, growl, pounding a pillow or punching bag, etc., is sad to cry, to ask for a hug, etc. Along jump and shout for joy, sweet stretch. You can draw or some color to put on paper the emotion. You can pick up a story or a story with a similar situation or reading something to your child, to draw his attention to how the characters react, to show emotions, behave in different situations. For one family, some expressions might be valid and another not.
When adult remains in contact with the child and his feelings, it teaches a child to stay in contact with their feelings and not be afraid of them.
Your Natalie Frid
the Article written in collaboration with Aida Abramova