it Often happens that girls instead of live their lives for many years living the life of his mother. Selfless. Uncompromising. Sacrificing all their time, energy and happiness. The reason for such situations, and what can be done to solve this problem?


one of the constellation evenings in the Center "Olvia" there were three of arrangement. At such moments, once again convinced that everything in this Universe is not accidental. All three of the placement was devoted to the daughters and the mothers.

the Girls who came to me, one was 33, the other was 40, and the third was 25.

They were United by the same theme – a very great love for his mother and the inability to go to his happy life, when my mother was ill.

One placement I was particularly shocked.

the Marina (the name and details of the client's situation changed for confidentiality) Mama didn't raise, gave her grandma and grandpa, but loved her brother.

And the daughter said, "You're a mistake, you're misunderstanding."

And now Marin for 33 years. In her life there were 4 abortion. She was never married.

She is convinced that marriage is impossible, because I have to marry a virgin. But she was not a virgin. And if you are not a virgin to marry, then that's a shame.

And this adult modern, a very interesting person. The man who in the professional field have achieved great heights. Customers to literally line up.

What makes the Marina at the system level? It is in the arrangement sits near his mother, very angry, and waiting for mom to give her his love.

And the mother sitting on the chair and says: "Darling, I have nothing to give."

From a systemic point of view, this situation is called "Empty mom."

metaphorically, think of it this way: "the Girl sits in the empty dried-up riverbed. Yes, it is a riverbed. Yes, here once was water, and eventually water may again appear. But now there is no water. And come water? There are no guarantees.

But the girl in the line-abandons his children, your husband, your life, your future. She worries: what if the mother comes to life, suddenly in the river water will come, and it is this miracle, by the way. Here she sits and waits, sits and watches the love of a mother, without being distracted even for a minute.

Now the Marina 33. And I know women who come to me in 57 or 63, or 45. They often come to me when their mothers die. And when their mothers die, these women have nothing but anger. They have spent whole life to just sit and wait for love mom. And love never happened. And it is perceived as the biggest deception. It is for them the biggest disappointment. Mother is dying, and without giving his daughter a mother's love.

We are in the line-look at the family as a system. And we in the family system give place to every person. And mom won't let daughter their love, their energy not because they don't want to, but because they can not, because she simply has nothing to give her daughter. This mom said of the placing: "Daughter, come into my life, I have nothing to give." And her daughter was shaking and said, "No, you have to give me. All my life I am looking forward to it. My brother gets it, my brother have it all, I want to get it."

All done Marina 33 years of his life, when she realized that she's good for mom is not, she began to prove that she's better brother. She has a huge amount of formations and achievements. But no matter what she did, mom is still empty and the mother had nothing to give her daughter.

For Marina we put in the balance the female thread. There was a huge amount of energy. This energy is enough to live, build their lives, give birth to their children, but she doesn't want to rebuild. In this system the dynamics of a lot of stubbornness. Just sit back and shake an empty mother to give love, there is on whom to shift the responsibility for his not the most fun life – my mother. And if you move away from mom and just go live your life and use the resources that you have is to take full responsibility for their life (good and bad). And in this case to justify the empty mother of all failures in your life Marina will not succeed.

But there is good news. 33 years is a good time to stop looking to the past and crush about mistakes and missed opportunities. 33 years is a good time to turn around and all his attention directed at his own life. 33 years is a good time to choose a new path, my new life.

September 15-16 - kick off course "Traumatherapie" the family counselling Centre "Olvia".

Nadezhda Matveeva
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