the non-recognition of the feelings of the partner is the most common toxic problem in the relationship in the pair and hides behind many masks:

1) Ignoring. One partner says that it hurts, and the other leaves.
2) Criticism. For example, the husband says to his wife: "Is that the best dress you found?"
3) Arrogant appraisal: "you have no right to attack me! I spent the whole day working hard to earn money, and you're just baby-sitting. You me owe!"
4) lack of understanding: "And you take offense at me for such nonsense? Let's remember that it was last spring!" br>
If you recognize yourself in any of these items, take a course on an exception from your relationship. Here than they can be replaced:

1) the Understanding of feelings. "You've been waiting for today I'll come earlier. Of course, you're upset because of this – it's perfectly natural".
2) Confirmation: "...You were planning to spend the evening together. You're right, it doesn't look good".
3) Respect: "...I needed you to call in advance and warn you that I will be late".
4) set up: "...I Usually come at 7 o'clock. You thought that with me something happened"

well-being relationship is not determined by the absence of contradictions or avoidance of "sharp edges" and the ability of partners to deal effectively with the conflicts, then resolve them. Psychologist John Gottman, who made a great contribution to understanding of attempts of reconciliation, introduced the concept of "the Four horsemen of the Apocalypse.", the appearance of which in relations could eventually lead to rupture. br>
1) Criticism. Of course, some moments may be discontent with each other. But criticism is always an attack on the personality of the partner. The true goal is humiliation. It does not involve solving the problem. br>
2) Contempt. It's eye-rolling, cynical comments, sarcasm, unkind jokes and ridicule. The partner who resorts to this, thus showing arrogance. Only vicoria it, you can come to a harmonious relationship. br>
3) Defensive position. You might think that this is the position of the oppressed. In fact, this implicit accusation ("the Problem is not me, it's you!"). It is meaningless, because it leads, on the contrary, to the fact that the partner is even more "charged" to be heard. br>
4) the Enclosure. The removal of one of the partners, the construction of them insurmountable wall, deaf to the needs of the other. He does it to protect themselves from their own feelings. br>
of Course, this style of relationship is destructive and requires correction in therapy. Similar phenomena must be reduced to a minimum in order to strengthen the Foundation and to build strong and harmonious relationship. br>
If you have any questions – write in comments. Good luck to you!

Ivan Gorbachev
Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

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