women's Magazines suggest before you build long-term relationships, not to have surprises, to agree "on the banks" how to live together: how to run a household, raise children, relax, and for whose account this Banquet.
Even if you do not agree "on the beach", no one forbids you to do it right now. After 3-5 years of marriage, most couples get tired every weekend to bring each other to perfection and I want to start finally to enjoy the simple pleasures of family life. What prevents for adults people to agree on the things they do (or not do, and could) every day?
Each spouse evaluates the behavior of another in accordance with their expectations, perceptions of roles in the family. The image of family and family relationships learned in childhood, he became part of a person's identity determines the behavior. Husband... Wife... So right. And why right? Why his wife have on Sundays to bake pies, if you can not lose those extra 10-15 pounds? Why the husband is obliged to buy you a mink coat, even if you live in Sochi? "If he loves me, he has to do" - meet me at the consultation client. Not thinking about the fact that everyone expresses their love in different ways.
it is Rare that the family model of the partners coincide. And if besides, there is no negotiation function (for example, the skill to negotiate is not absorbed in the incomplete or conflicting parent family), then to understand each other even harder.
the tension in the family grows, the claims are accumulated. Start a family quarrel, the results of which can not be called productive. Instead of effectively NigeriaSat, as taught in the trainings, the partners become personal, and some ultrasound. Causes of quarrel multiplied on the eyes after a couple of hours no one can remember why it started. So many families live, cursing and unconsciously proving whose family model is more correct.
But we adults responsible people and can choose how we want to live. We can consciously build relationships and set the rules in your family.
Start change for the better with clarifying the current situation in your family. Think, are you satisfied with the four most important areas of family systems:
- self – Esteem is the thoughts and feelings that a person feels towards himself. What is your self-esteem? How does the partner in your self-esteem? What kind of self esteem you form children?
- Communication paths that you use to understand each other. How sincere can you say about their intentions, desires, feelings? Does your family have handles? Are you sure that you know each other? If you can hear each other?
- Rules that you follow in his family life. Your rules help or hinder the relationship? What goals will address your rules? Who sets them, who can change the rules? Where did your rules: whether they are rational or inherited? Do they correspond to modern life?
- Relationships with other people, self-realization in society. How freely you can communicate outside of the home? Are there any limitations in a career in public life in favor of the family and who sets them? Do you support each other in external activities? Do you discuss progress and problems at work, at school, with friends all your family members?
If you believe that you or your family needs change, talk, and write:
- What do you want to change.
- Specify it in a positive form.
- is it dangerous, is there not a risk for you and your family?
- Recall positive examples from your parental family, the other families where it works.
- What is the motivation of the change? You have to do that (that's right, duty); you choose to do so (free will, expediency) you want and still do it (the devil inside). The correct answer is free will, supported by "want and will".
- Write 3-5 things that you make in the direction of change during the month.
- Agree on how you will monitor the change process.
Try it. Work through all the points, it is necessary to accept the changes, all the components of our complex consciousness. This simple algorithm actually works. Want to live in a happy family - make it as!