When there is a dependency, it's not just one person, and with the whole family, and addiction can manifest itself in different forms. Regardless of whether the addiction of food, alcohol, heroin, marijuana, adrenaline (etc.), if this dependence is strong or almost imperceptible, is the dependency visible to others, or secret, each member of the family unconsciously trying to find ways to cope with addiction. Not individually, but as part of a family.
there are certain roles in the family. In addition to the well-known triangle Pocket 6 describe roles that are also observed in the family of a dependent person.
1. Addict. This man is the center of attention in the family. Conversations, decisions, waste of energy, time and money all revolves around this man. As this role is in seige , other family members unconsciously look for ways to balance this system.
2. Hero. This person believes her job is to make everyone in the family looked decent. They are trying to save the family from shame of addiction, trying to keep a positive face. The hero seems to be focused and balanced, but often is closed from its pain. Heroes are usually perfectionists.
Perfectionism is often a result of feelings such as fear, guilt and shame.
3. Jester. This man tells jokes and tries to keep the problem on a superficial level, to protect others and ourselves from feeling deep pain. The more jokes and anger, the deeper painful truth about addiction, or other dependencies will be invisible. The jester wants to bury , to disguise this secret, like everyone else, because no one knows what to do with it.
the Main feelings of the jester often are: embarrassment, shame and rage .
4. Lost child. It can be both the child and any other family member. He's well cared for, but retreat to not be an additional encumbrance. Lost child tries to avoid arguments, quarrels and conversations about this issue at any level. They are quiet, reserved and often refuse their personal needs.
the Main feelings of the lost child are: wine, loneliness, neglect and anger.
5. A scapegoat. Like the jester, the scapegoat makes a lot of noise, just a scapegoat makes it through the rebellion, tragedy and drama. Playing the scene to distract from the problem, the solution of which no one has. This man creates a problem that is clearly useless, but behind them the unconscious idea "at least, these problems have solutions". Offering the family a set of solved problems at a time when all the family wants to do is solve the problem (which is vague) is the way in which Patsy tries to make a contribution.
the Main feelings of the scapegoat are: shame, guilt and emptiness.
6. Lifeguard. This person is trying to make everyone happy, well represents the members of the family to society (that is, not to mention dependencies), and continues to make excuses for the addict. Lifeguard, out of ignorance, makes it difficult for the addict awareness of the seriousness of their choices, constantly rescuing him before will come a reality and will be the obvious consequences of his destructive choices. Salvation is not salvation, it's just a quick decision in a particular situation. This support cycle consumes time, energy and emotions of family members, overshadowing the satisfaction of their own needs and relationships in your personal life. It is clear that (because of its close connection with a dependent) the rescuer does not know how to let go of it and refuses to do it because, he believes, feelings of loyalty and love.
the Main feelings of the rescue, inadequacy, fear and helplessness.
In conclusion I want to say that you need to treat not only the addict but the entire family. The following article will describe what to do in this situation.
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