Consumer attitude towards the partner is when the husband sees in his wife a dinner, and the wife in her husband — money. Know? what you need to pay attention to not fall into consumerism in marriage.
Consumerism starts at the moment when we see the partner function only, which should be working — to bring money, repairing appliances, to build a house, and sometimes to amuse the other. Cooked dinner, laundered shirts, cleaning — part of the functional responsibilities. And for this to live?!
People have long agreed that each of them performs a specific function. Complementary. So was the culture of relations in the family for centuries and, in principle, nothing wrong with the functionality there. It just so happened that his wife took a strong and healthy women can give birth to offspring and to leave it. It's a biological mechanism. Up to a certain point functionality necessary. If we're in each other will only be interested in the “deep” and it introduces a love partner, then what we get? but if Vice versa? If the once beloved partner is only a function of?
To avoid this, let's see how it is possible to determine the consumer attitude of the partner.
First sign — a business relationship on the principle of "You — I'll".
"You clean it up, I'm going to a PTA meeting".
"If you lose weight, I'll take you to the Islands".
"Start to make good money, I will cook dinners".
"will Cease to nag, I will be home in time."
Nothing critical in the agreements. But if the agreement prevail over human relations, the person is perceived as a function.
the Second sign — ought.
we all Have some idealized notion of what should be a partner. A woman needs to be slim, lightweight and fun. Must cook well, to be purposeful, interesting, intelligent, beautiful and so on. Male — the breadwinner, protector, good money, to protect his family. Should not upset to be weak, don't have to dive into depression. A kind man — a robot.
when prescriptions do not work, there is a bummer. are we make partner "basic configuration"? The way it is? Or want to remake it?
If the wife is very busy with work and prefer to hire a cleaner for the household chores, but her husband is not satisfied. What does this mean?
Or the husband hires a plumber to fix the faucet, but his wife is unhappy. Not handy. what makes it clear?
Yes, you understand correctly. All about the same. Consumerism.
the Third feature — critical.
As a consumer who wants to get a quality product or service, the partner criticizes and expresses dissatisfaction with the actions of the other.
“You're the man! Why so insecure, not assertive? Why you not earn?”
“You're a woman! Why such a wasteful, pushy, rude?”
we All strive for perfection, but a man who loves to be neat in their statements, afraid to hurt the other. Words and flexible display of emotions – talking primarily about love and acceptance.
the Fourth sign — ignoring the interests of another.
“You are so wonderful, but I'm not ready for a relationship."
" Everything is fine, but I recently went through a divorce and sharing of property."
If you hear these phrases, do not think that you will be able to influence the situation. You hope that if you're flexible, smart, slim, beautiful, to earn a lot, showered roses track, you will be rewarded, your partner will appreciate it? As if!
He wants to consume you for free, not considering your best interest. And perhaps such a relationship in a pair of suit both by agreement. Then nothing.
But if one of a pair of uncomfortable, anxious, humiliated, emotionally dependent, it is necessary to change something.
How to add warmth to the relationship?
• Accept partner the way he is, with all its advantages and disadvantages.
• the Relationship should be based on friendship. True friendship is selfless.
• to do Together what you like both, because leisure brings.
Try it, you will succeed!