In recent consultations with parents often discussed the topic of attachment. This topic arises when talking about very young children, and is already quite large, when there is an assumption that the problems of the grown child can be connected with the fact that in its infancy, with the formation of healthy attachment, something went wrong. This is a really important question, because it is shown (including in the course of scientific psychological studies) that strong attachment to parents helps the child to maintain confidence and high self esteem, be less anxious, to deal effectively with the problems of life, including in school.

so, what can parents do to form healthy and secure attachment? I will list the most basic, the most basic points that it seems to be well known, but which, from my point of view, it is sometimes useful to remember and repeat.

Show me what you can rely on

You have to be your child's "island of security". Try to ease the suffering of the child when he is sick, hurt or upset. Feeling behind him a strong safe the rear, your child can go on an intrepid exploration of the world, knowing that he always got somewhere to go for help and support if necessary.

for Example, if your kid hesitated before uncharted ladder on the Playground, encourage him to ensure that he tried to get at her, show that you are not afraid, believe in its potential, but at the same time stay in his field of vision, so he knew what was going to be able to ask for your help if something goes wrong.

Give the child personal attention

it is Important to communicate with the child one-on-one. Find things you both can do with pleasure (and not with the feeling that doing it through force), but at the same time try to put the needs of the child first, not "bring" his own ideas about what would be useful and good to do together. To solve this problem may well help giving your child "special time" (about which I wrote in a previous article https://www.b17.ru/article/83493/ ). No need to spend for such communication a lot of time, it is important not the quantity but the quality of interaction. Don't skimp on the eye contact, touch, hugs, smiles: durable attachment is constructed from these "building blocks".

Be predictable

This is achieved primarily through the creation of a more or less clear mode of the day and sustainable boundaries and rules. Such things create in the child a sense of permanence and stability in the world, which allows him to feel safe. Children benefit from rituals that accompany meals, cooking lessons, putting you to sleep. In particular this is important for the development of self-discipline. In addition, knowing the next item in the day mode, the child can start its execution, thus becoming more independent and organized.

sympathetic to the difficulties associated with the temporary separation

If an attachment is formed, it does not hurt that the child will periodically break up with you (by staying in the nanny, the grandmother, going to kindergarten, school, etc.). When you leave baby with someone, create a special ritual of farewell. Like any ritual, it will create in the child a sense of predictability and security. Of course, the child has every right to be upset and worry in such a situation. But it is important to remember that children "catch" our emotional state, so, leaving the child for a couple hours with grandma, it's really important to feel comfortable and confident, then more likely that the child "usercalc" it is such our response. Of course, it is better to increase the time that a child spends apart from you, gradually (e.g. when getting used to the kindergarten). Sometimes in a situation of separation may well help some thing character (a toy, your handkerchief, a spare button from your favorite dress), that is a kind of a "piece" of mom, dad or home in General that you can take with you and which you can access from time to time for support.