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Yesterday I had another family meeting about the fact that the child does not want to learn, stroll to school. Apparently, the end of a semester of 10-11 grade of the semester in College/University parents no longer stand the tension and turning to the psychologist for help. br>
a Separate issue: what parents want. Someone wants the psychologist explained to their child that you need to learn. They are, in fact, want a magic pill, which the young man repent and will take the study. And there are parents who want to understand their adult child what he wants, what solutions are adopted, what is needed from parents. They come to me for mediation — mediation conversation with the pupil/student. For yourself try to do is extremely difficult.

the Problem is that we — 40-50-year-old parents of today's 15-20-year-old boys and girls in the literal sense, obsolete, we're the last generation of the previous, industrial era. They, our children — the first generation in the new era of digital. This means that we were in a transitional period at the demarcation zone between the two eras.

Even our older children other: they're growing up, when life just started to get cell phones, the Internet, personal computers. They still watched TV and VCR, and together with their parents were drawn to the abundance of available information. They were very amenable to our Soviet system of education, because everything came from the Soviet school. br>
But their younger brothers and sisters were born in the era of PCs, laptops and free Internet access. And then the smartphones arrived, providing limitless access to digital information at any moment, at any place. They don't need TV. They are better than us and his older siblings speak English, because I play English games and chat with foreigners — the same 15-20 year olds. br>
They look the speakers, who teach that in the modern world to be an employee is not profitable, you need to strive to create their own business. And choose the direction you need to have in my youth. br>
in the end making a modern young man? Decides to follow these tips, because living in poverty, in low abundance is not desirable. I want financial well-being. Great solution! I'm all FOR it.

And here lies the danger: a teenager whose parents are in the vast majority of employees are not received neither understanding nor support from their loved ones. br>
Why? Yes, because the main driving motive of the employee security (permanent job, guaranteed salary, social security). We remember dashing 90-e! We then got dressed in the iron doors and bars on the Windows and survived. Our generation mostly doesn't know how to take risks and to rely on themselves. Business? It is dangerous. Freelance? Idleness. br>
We are brought up within the strict limits of social norms, to break which was almost unthinkable. How many lessons in school for 8-10 years you missed? I — two days in the 10th grade. The first time I went September 1, in grade 10 because it was Sunday and on Sundays we met at the Palace of pioneers them. N. To. Krupskaya company of members of the Board of the scientific society of students in Chelyabinsk. And for me, it was a daring step. A second time — accompanied the army of the future husband (a counselor). Then I asked, more impudent not daring. br>
I Taught everything. Each to the best of their ability. Were rebels, of course. But they were learning. Somehow, but I studied, went to school. After all, the elementary, they had no one to skip school. br>
Our youngest children are in school not to go for knowledge. They know, often better teachers, to extract this knowledge from the Internet. School, unfortunately, obsolete in their technology training, dictation, rote learning from textbooks.

Say, you see the sense in it now, in the era of global digital technologies? br>
so our younger children do not see. br>
Those who received from their parents enough love, support, recognition in childhood, feeling in consequence a secure attachment, and therefore safety, has developed a strategy to teach those subjects which are needed in order to passing the exam to enter the University for the chosen specialty. The rest — by a residual principle. br>
Their argument: why zahlamlenie his head and spend time on something that I don't need. Will need to find information on the Internet.

unfortunately, much more of those young people who lost confidence in the reliability of parental love, without relying on it, without the confidence of the world itself. They do not know how to take responsibility, set goals, make decisions. They can't risk not being confident, that they will be after the fall, will support and nourish love for a new takeoff. br>
These boys miss school/College/University from protest against the parental system of education or of the herd mentality — "nobody goes, and I th — Loh?". It is on these young men the greatest impact is having the feature of modern society: early, already with 2 years of socialization that makes our children look for guidance and support to parents and peers. The more support, you know. And parents are often served example of this: "the neighbors/acquaintances/friends have it and we need" and "All best — to children" as the legacy of decades of poverty. br>
these are our children understand the words of the speakers on narodnosti, outdated wage labor as a fixed idea. Here only the resources to implement it, they don't have or they don't have access to them. br>
What are we, 40-50-year-old parents of 15-20-year-old boys and girls to do? br>
I think so:
1) accept the fact that these children other throughout. They will be with their children because they are born in the same era with the parents. We're probably not lucky. But we can live with that. Who, if not us — so for adults smart to make a step towards your children?
2) to continue to feed their maturing children unconditional love, while indicating clear boundaries of liberty and their child. And Yes, I'm that high school student graduated from high school, and the student is 3-4 courses at College. Too much luxury in the second case to spend 2-3 years to throw them out of life and stay 20 years without a high school Diploma and Diploma of vocational education. Yes, I believe that in this case, the parents should take the child under productive control to know how things are in school/College to monitor attendance, organize your child, if so he can't do it;
3) listen instead of lecturing;
4) be interested in what the child is desirable and to be a part of something instead of criticizing.
5) and most importantly, BELIEVE in your child. "Do not educate their children, still they will like you" — says the English proverb. We grew up good people, overcome difficulties, earned reputation and status. Let us trust that our children will, too! br>
consultations at the end, I unwrap the child and parent face to face, and to dad and to mom. First, a parent speaks about their experiences and desires, then the child. And every time a son or daughter, answering to parents in response to their question: "what do you need from me?" says: "I Beg you, BELIEVE IN ME." br>
PS. Nurturing the idea of this post, I came across an article by Anna Varga — student of the first group of Russian psychologists studying the classics of systemic family therapy. In her textbooks and I studied. She writes exactly about the same features — the crossroads of epochs.




2018-12-16
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