so we got to the fourth, the most important part. Today we are talking about balance "take-give" relations. It can be both a loving relationship and a friendly, family - any informal interaction between people.
Often it happens that one of the parties to the communication, it seems that he invested in the relationship more than the other. I have the feeling it may be both, which leads to conflicts and mutual insults. Why is this happening?
If both people are sincerely determined to do good to one another, and the sense of balance of mutual aid does not occur, most likely the problem is a lack of understanding of the needs of another person. The girl on a diet someone can give delicious candy, and grandmother, which is very much the attention of children and grandchildren - expensive smartphone. This gift will be made from the heart, but will not cause the joy of the recipient. Before you make the gift, think if this is really what you need for this man. After all, if such a gift would be nice for you, it does not mean that he will delight, and other. Feel free once again to clarify the circumstances of life, current situation, desires of a loved one. There's nothing wrong and to ask directly what the person needs in the moment.
If you do not give what I would like, think about it: have you talked to this person, what gifts you like, what you want, what you need at the moment? No need to hide it. Moreover, now there are many services that allow for the wishlist (wish list) online, a link to which can be given to all relatives and friends. There need to make those tokens, that would be you. Optimal is the addition of desires of different value (from your favorite chocolate and flowers to the desired model expensive equipment) to any giver could make you happy.
signs of attention can have not only the form of a gift! Care, attention, help, a waste of time and effort on the other person - it is also the signs of attention. Think whether your loved one the opportunity to make the gift that you expected? Whether it is financial, physical, temporal potential? Consider a few examples:
1. You have made a friend a gift on a certain amount, and in response he gave something much cheaper. You earn the same, but you have your own apartment, and your friend pays the mortgage and financial helps elderly parents. Do you have a reason to be offended? No, because for humans, this amount was much more important than for you, a gift can be considered equivalent, especially if he was presented with creative and tailored to your tastes. People compensated for the lack of Finance, care, imagination and time spent on the range.
2. The girl asked her boyfriend to help with the move, but instead, he paid the taxi, movers and furniture assemblers, but he did not come. Why he did it? Maybe the problem is not that he doesn't want to see the girl, and he has work, business trip, or family member in the hospital? He could compensate for the lack of personal attention and financial circumstances. you should Always try to understand the cause of the act of man, to penetrate into subtleties of his situation.
3. Adult daughter asked my parents for a birthday a new phone, but in the end mom made a cake and dad gave the money amount of the cost of an average smartphone in the market which is lower than the cost that wanted a daughter. Can she be offended that the parents regret the money and time? Maybe if you do not understand the situation. In fact, parents are not versed in modern phones, and certainly don't know what the most fashionable, which wanted a daughter. Father went to the electronics store and asked, how much is a smartphone and this amount gave money not to buy something wrong. And mom spent baking a cake a lot more time than it would have spent on ordering the phone online the young man, versed in modern technology.
Always think, can this person do for you exactly what you ask for, if he had the opportunity to do so. Most likely, he is willing to do for you something different, but no less valuable.
don't forget that on financial investments for the balance you don't necessarily have to meet the financial, temporary and temporal. The lack of investment in one area can be compensated by another area.
Now, let's talk about balance "take-give". In a harmonious relationship investments of participants across all sectors should be approximately equal. But it also happens that someone who invested much more. In this situation, will not be superfluous to openly discuss the issue. Maybe the person does a lot valuable in his opinion, but you do not need it? Quietly discuss mutual claims, the value to you of a token. If in the course of conversation the man refuses to listen to your arguments or agrees, but later, nothing has changed, it is worth considering not a Freeloader if he if he is trying to manipulate you for profit. In the latter case, of course, it is worth considering whether or not to pursue a relationship with this man. Relationship may fade away, and in that case, when both had selfish plans, but physically can't give someone something they need.
Here you can give an example of a very common male complaint against women: "a woman I only need money!". Whether she asks you these gifts or do you make them on your own initiative? In the previous article, I explained why in this case, you have no right to blame her. Whether she realizes that these amounts are significant? If she would, instead of expensive gifts you've been helping her around the house?
Think about their needs and the needs of other people, don't be afraid to discuss wishes and possibilities, try to find a compromise and often raduyte their loved ones!