Beautiful couple he and she, lavish wedding or an evening in with the family, the kisses and the anticipation of something new. I remember at the registry office, when my husband still was in the waiting room check-in, I told him : "all right!", in response, he mysteriously smiled and said: "Like everyone else? All the fun is just beginning!". And so it happened. All the fun really had just begun.

And then many fears begin. Most of my clients come to consult not with any specific problems in the relationship, and fear. They are afraid of:

  • husband flirting with other women, he's probably cheating on me
  • husband comes home late from work, he's probably cheating on me
  • husband stopped talking to me, he's probably cheating on me
  • the husband doesn't give more gifts as the wedding, probably is he cheating on me

And these fears are not just there as a concern, they really strangle the woman. How can hug my husband to meet him a sincere smile, if she spent the whole day replayed in my head the scene it is not blagodarnosti? It should be noted that our brain is arranged in such a way that it does not matter was the event really or is it "played out" mentally, the brain sends signals to the body when it body to function as if the event has ALREADY OCCURRED. What happens on a physiological level.

  1. the Body of a woman (by the way, this is true for men), which during the day was received a signal about the stress and "treason", it is stressful, By the end of the day not only gave an adequate response to a signal of the brain, but even managed to strengthen it.
  2. This response of body to stress is expressed in different ways. Turns on the "fight or flight". For this woman to evening or starts hitting on the wife in the form of shouts and expressions of contentment or simply "closed" in itself.
  3. Being in this condition, it is extremely difficult to cope with his emotions. This emotion or go "over the edge" that leads to scandals even in those matters which essentially are not any serious and more valuable than these relationships. Either she's trying so hard to control that does not Express any emotion. Here we may recall the heroes of a popular transmission "Сamedy club", in which the husband, coming home, sees his wife with "mine" on the face, and said,
  • Honey, what happened?

and she he responds through clenched teeth.

  • Neither of which happened.

And then, or it is included in the game “guess himself” and perhaps continues to pester her with questions, either, he leaves to go about their business, oblivious to her condition.

Very interesting is the fact that rarely a woman is “recognized” what was the cause of her condition. Most often, it is holding all the weight of their thoughts and reactions of the body within itself, accumulating an increasing stress on the inside and spreading more tension in the family. Of course the reasons for this behavior of women can be many. And it's not always only listed by me above fear. The reason may be resentment. For example, he promised to do something and forgot or , on the contrary, did what it categorically does not like. According to common female belief : “He knows why!” But, I hasten to note that this is sosvsem not.

Let's now look at these situations from the men. During family consultations husbands often show me their perception of such behavior of their wives.

see it?

  • He comes home and he was not happy.
  • the Wife may be hiding something from him.
  • He's a bad husband, just can't satisfy all her desires and she is constantly sad.
  • She loves me and she wishes she'd married
  • there's another

As you can see, the assumption of the husband, often does not correspond to reality. Example: she was offended that he bought her a fur coat for his birthday, and he's not thinking about it, decided that she simply “fell out of love with him.” She literally “silently” waiting for his coat, and he did not dogadyvaetsya, about what she expects.

“How” she thinks: “My dad always gave my mom a fur coat, and my husband gives me! Why can't he see that?!”

“What happened, what she's mad?” He thinks, “Maybe she didn't appreciate me more?” .

I Hope You have correctly caught my idea that often the differences in the family stem from the fact that people simply do not talk to each other. They do not talk about their desires, share experiences, deciding that the partner “must own!” about everything guess. And that's what I will tell You: “none of what You don't have to.”

Over time, these differences accumulate and often become explosive. Any little thing can destroy Your marriage in the beginning of the marriage, if this detail is already “on the edge of the bowl.”

it Should be noted as well that many families are breaking up, acquiring such “micro conflicts” he and she just closed every confidence and perestayut to go to meet each other, in fact, becoming strangers. They live many years together for children, for business, for the sake of what has “spent many years”.

With this situation definitely need to do something. If the relationship of husband and wife is the most sincere and good relations, then the family brings true happiness.

Gorbatko Daria
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