the

a MAN SAYS THAT I'm the PROBLEM

Q: Meet, I live three months together. Initially a special attraction to him was not only sympathy. He loves me, wants to build family with me and live happily ever after. I also want family and children but not in love with him and no attraction. But I understand that he loves me and everything is ready for me to do. With about a month or two he expresses to me that does not feel happy, loved me and most importantly need. He doesn't like that I don't smile with him, and I only cry because can't do anything. Specifically it turns out to be gentle with him, and as I go to sleep don't want sex. I like to hug him, but not anymore. Said I should leave, to which he said that this will all end, he'll find another with which to be happy, which will love it. On the trail. day says he doesn't want me to go away that he will succeed in me to eradicate my quality is not good, that I'm gonna be sweeter to him. It's been two months ...)
I think that if there is doubt, they always will be and I do not want then to regret, to suffer his claims, when there are children. And suddenly I regret when we leave, and I don't know what to do. From the very beginning of the relationship pushed the fact that he controls my every move, saying that she's nervous and wants sex every day and that I put him above all others. Perhaps, if he loved it would be by itself. Don't know what to do. Constantly at me all thoughts only about it. br>
ANSWER: Good day. Let's see your doubt closer. Beneath them lies the fear to lose something valuable, while the reality says that the more you "suffer" in the relationship than they receive pleasure and joy. Not just to feel constantly like that, with a man with such "perfect" ideas about the relationship. Perfect - but simply means not real.
As if you have to force yourself to reach, there is no space in the relationship - that it was possible to want this closeness. So, you feel the pressure and their "badness" with him. After all, the man emphasizes that the problem is in you, which he heroically ready to eradicate. That is, all its intolerable imperfection it dips into you, and he remains the "perfect, pure, bright".
I want to tell you that you're right. Trust, please yourself, your feelings. You have relationships associated with coercion, and not accepting you for exactly what you are. It seems that your man need a mom, not a wife. And at the same time, deep down, you believe that - that he may be right. What is it you need to change in order to reach that ideal future which he draws. You much it pushes, but there are feelings that make you stay with someone who is not nice to you. These feelings need to explore. You do not seem to believe the part of you that sees man and the relationship as it is.
And there is a feeling of self - deception- this is the hope that tells you: maybe it can be with it differently? But if it could, it already would be. And it is not easy to accept. You have the right to fail. And also have a right to a relationship with the man who will rejoice that you such what you are. Please I will be glad to help you on an individual consultation to understand yourself better, what would you been able to determine. br>
PS: Record on consultation by e-mail [email protected] or personal message.

sincerely,
Irina Potemkina
Analytical psychologist and practices TPP


2019-02-11
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