For normal and successful functioning of human relations, it is important to be able to speak the truth. And this is especially true if we are not talking about work or his friends and relations deep and trusting when people are mean to each other a lot and intend to go through life.
Remove the ability to articulate the truth about their feelings and thoughts - and you will get a defective, crippled, if not dead relationship.
"intensive care", of course, has not been canceled, but why revive if initially all you can do right?
it is Clear that a person can get "from another world", but it never goes away completely. And man, and relations had been in "intensive care" will forever carry the imprint of this surgery. And not the fact that it will play in your favor.
So much better just to approach the question wisely and not create additional prerequisites for the loss of love and alienation between the partners.
Let's see, what typically happens, even in prosperous a pair if man and woman have not mastered the art of speaking the truth about their feelings and experiences.
1. Dissatisfaction
the First bell to tell us that the trend is negative — is the emergence of dissatisfaction with the partner.
At this stage there is internal resistance when your partner says something, does, or expresses his emotions in a certain way.
This condition most precisely be described by the word discontent. When we are dissatisfied with something, we begin to mentally criticize the other and would separate from it — a distance slightly increases.
As shown? Let us consider the example of women's thoughts:
- "Again he your socks up, basket to convey..." (Classic of the genre. Variations to your taste);
"Again your flat jokes poison... Already know them all...";
"Again, Mat when child a hundred times already asked not to do it!"
the Important point is that women are much more likely than men to hide their discontent very much far and it did not show.
Motivated by the fact that: "it's okay, not so important", "This is, in principle, nothing is possible not to pay attention", "we are All not perfect...", etc. inferences.
However, the truth is that if you do not tell their partner (say, male) about their dissatisfaction and do not resolve the situation, then over time you will come to the second stage, which is...
2. Irritation
What is the irritation? This is a situation where the dissatisfaction (i.e. internal resistance) is the external resistance.
At the stage of irritation there is a strong resentment, is the accusation of a person in his actions / inactions and said / unsaid words.
Often people tend to get angry at the partner for things, but the anger and accusations arise, that is, on an empty place. Of course, it's an illusion, it's the "blank" was prepared in advance — at the stage of discontent.
As a rule, interaction with the partner at this stage brings only feelings and emotions.
with anger;
rage;
and disappointment.
- intolerance;
- anger;
- hatred.
of Course, in this "bouquet" of feelings is almost impossible to maintain intimacy with a man, and there is strong emotional separation from him.
the Mechanism of irritation is quite simple.
When you are a long time are frustrated and do not give voice to his partner, then with each new precedent unwanted behavior dissatisfaction within you will grow like a snowball.
Result: resentment builds up and becomes manifested irritation with all the attendant thoughts and feelings.
and here If not to take measures to improve your relationship, they will be a very unpleasant stage.
3. Dislike
When in a relationship there is hostility between the people installing solid rejection on emotional and physical levels.
the word hostility gives us insight into its meaning — the inability to take another person.
this is not surprising — when constant dissatisfaction moves to openly Express irritation, the natural response is the distance, clear desire to "move away" from unpleasant object.
the Characteristic features of this stage:
- the pursuit of permanent confrontation for any reason;
- the reluctance to be with a partner;
- frequent thoughts about the other person, you would be much better;
- complete disappearance of physical attraction to the partner, even to disgust;
mental infidelity.
And, again, withholding the truth or attempt to do half-truths in dealing with a loved one will lead you to the next stage.
4. Indifference
the Indifference — is to stop feelings. You have no difference. You - "the man with heart of ice".
on the one hand, it's sad, but on the other — so it is possible to save the so-called "bad peace", which is slightly better than the "good war".
Suppressing your emotions and feelings, we may even experience a certain sense of stability. It and is clear: feelings gone — leaving the discomfort of their stay.
But with a sense of stability takes something more — the opportunity to experience positive feelings and emotions also disappear or greatly dulled.
Once at the stage of indifference, people live "as if good" - life does not bring them joy, but also brings pain.
These couples often pursues apathy, depression, and elementary physical weakness, in many cases, lost the enthusiasm and zest for life.
But it all happens behind the scenes, in the hearts of people, while outwardly families and couples who are at the stage of indifference often impression it is a happy.
their relationship is all smooth, calm but smooth. They are courteous and polite to each other. They are not arguing and no bickering it seems that it is better and can not be.
six months later, you learn that they divorced. Somehow. Using 5-10-15 years of marriage.
Boiling. But outside observers like you do not know about this and did not notice.
However, the trouble that the pairs themselves, making the repression of the habitual daily practice, just do not notice that their relationship has serious problems.
having descended to the level of indifference, they try to call it "happiness" and often convince themselves that that's the way it looks, although deep down feel that they want something completely different.
Gradually moving from one stage to another, they have not found the motivation and strength to work on a relationship and came to a very sad outcome.
Not to be confused with "women's wisdom"
an Interesting feature of four of the phases described above is that one can live their as years and seconds.
a year and a half to save internal discontent, the year to show irritation, anger and intolerance, another year to feel the hostility and move away from the partner and finally come to a complete or partial indifference, when your feelings are hidden away in the farthest drawer, and you have convinced yourself that it must be so.
However, there is another situation. All these stages you can live and experience, say, in a few seconds.
once again he felt a dissatisfaction with the partner, you in a split second you start to feel irritation, which is almost instantly include dislike. And then he catches himself on the hostility, you "disable" the passion principle: "to hell with this! What do I care..." or "I'm too tired to deal with all this..."
Voila! In a few moments you have gone through all the stages — from discontent to the complete suppression of feelings and indifference.
the Strategy is, frankly, not so hot, however many women are convinced that this is the so-called "women's wisdom".
a Huge misconception. Yes, you can call it in other words, for example: "I accepted internally...", "I'm just overexcited about it...", "This is not so important..." etc.
However, experience shows that peace and humility there and close does not smell. But there is a total suppression of feelings, or their rationale.
Therefore, in order not to fall into that trap, special attention should be given to the regular practice of self-observation and introspection will help you separate real women's wisdom from the banal to suppress his feelings and emotions.
keep Track of his symptoms of loss of love and separation from partner and do not allow relations to deteriorate to the level of indifference.
Dmitry Naumenko
Love Without Compromise.
