it would Seem that there can be difficult to take and ask! That you need or want. But practice shows that the ability to ask is a precious skill. You can even write: "man's best friend is
diamonds requests". See for yourself.
You made dinner. What do you think – delicious. Ask your partner
- cooking today took so much effort!
(your emotion substitute your own): so, how was dinner?
- there can be ...
(your emotion substitute your own): well, you like your dinner?
- well, Yes ...
(your emotion substitute your own): could me and praise!!
- Yes, all right, what you really ...
His emotion, substitute yourself ...
the Described situation reflects yet not the most advanced case! Someone may to wait in silence words of encouragement. And not wait for them. After all, partner did not know he was waiting for. But such ignorance will not protect the relationship from an excess of emotion in our Iduna.
Or get with a small probability. Or rejection in time in the style of "I'll do it later".
to wait and not to report their expectations. To expect that your partner will perform miracles intuition and insight
idealized. Count on the fact that due to their nature, education, gender, age (or anything else) your partner will HAVE to do what you expect from him.
hint. Metaphorically to suggest that you want to using the phrase:
= and I miss
= but now I want something ...
= it would be nice if you ...
And using comparisons, examples and other nods in the direction of the station you want to receive.
lethargic requests in the style of "would be cool" or "could you?" which shows that you want something. But the strength you show will not (not ready).
Limiting installation "don't ask", "don't trouble other people." They have their own worries, problems and difficulties a great deal.
can Not be "humiliated" in front of people. You cannot show that you are in need of something, you look weak.
it is hard for You to take responsibility for their desires. After all, many of their unmet needs (power, recognition, sex, acceptance, understanding, etc.) come into conflict with a sense of themselves as a person. How can I be fully human if I have so many things not implemented?
Frustrated needs, that is, those needs that you had hypertrophied in childhood. For example, all the childhood criticized and compared. And now you desperately want the recognition (which, in General, logical). But because you unconsciously aspire not to mere requests but to those behaviors that you expect a strong emotional make-up.
unjust. "To me all my life about something have to ask??!". A certain degree of immaturity has not been canceled, however.
Think about it. When you ask specifically, consistently and clearly:
A) You trust the other person. Not trust, namely trust. THAT is, to independently control the volume and intensity of your emotional contact.
B) You respect the other person. After all, you believe that this person will be able to help you realize your desires.
C) You put yourself on target with a high probability to realize their desire
Option 1. Please buy me a red rose with length of 80 cm in the tent behind the corner of a nearby house.
Option 2. To dream about what my partner buy me a rose and spontaneously it will give me because I look good (because it's a beautiful day, because he remembers our date, etc.)
Option 1. Tell me, please, "I appreciate the money that you earn, investing so much into their work".
the 2nd Option. Expect that she will understand how I will do for the relationship, since I'm making so MUCH money. And spend so MUCH time at work.
in General the same (about the same). Only in one case, you with a high probability of getting a specific result and the low (but present), the intensity of the emotions. In the second case, you get a powerful emotional response with very low chances of realization of his desires. And, hypothetically do run the risk to be without what you want.
Yes, I do not propose to abandon expectations of spontaneous behavior of the partner completely. After all, any spontaneity can be actively positive to reinforce. Show every fiber of the soul, how good you feel ... But to put such a strategy in the clip as a primary ...
In General, instead of an epilogue I propose a rule almost rhyme:
Share your opinion in the comments! Also I will be grateful for an expression of approval of the publication in the form of "say thanks" below.
Want to learn how to manage their emotions on their own?