How to build a harmonious relationship. Pathological strategy.


the Theme of pathological strategies are extremely vast and interesting, I will try to open it only from the practical side.

let's Start with the definition of the strategy - any strategy in psychology, this is a repeated behavior, repeating sequence of steps. Moreover, any strategy - the essence of the unconscious, its basis is on the 3rd logical level, the level of skills (How?; How?).

How to distinguish a pathological from a positive strategy? List the signs of PS:

1. In the PS the intention and result are not the same, different from each other.

2. In the PS there is always repeatable.

3. Any SS of "WANT". The more intense the WANT, the deeper the SS.

4. To PS no awareness and cannot discharge, the so-called 3-position, the position of an observer.

5. No variation of actions. One stimulus, one reaction.

6. Every PS has a positive intent.


Usually, in the center of any disease have any injury. And here it is important whether there has been a generalization, the generalization of the traumatic experience or not. If you are bitten by a dog, this particular animal,the particular breed, sex, size, suit, and it doesn't mean all dogs are aggressive and dangerous. You changed partner, is a specific person, in specific circumstances, and this does not mean that all men - to@Beli, and all women - lyadi.

It is the result of generalization appears PS. For example, in the betrayal of a loved one, you receive a conviction: "the more you trust your partner, the harder it will deceive you!" With this PS is absolutely impossible to build a harmonious relationship to create a family. After all, if you don't trust a specific person, it is with him you won't try to build a relationship of trust, and if there is no trust to all men or women? And live you can't with anyone.

What are the main destructive strategists faced by the majority of psychologists? In the first place, I probably put the SS under the name of Hyper-control. When you do not just trust your partner, but trying to control it. Control literally, the daily routine, moving in time and space, personal correspondence, e-mail and mesentery. It's endless questions-questioning: where are You?; Who are you with?; Where are you going? I called/La a few times, you didn't answer the phone! And the like. This Hyper-control, a person usually recognized. He understands that this is not normal, but to solve the problem that the change in their behavior can't. He always breaks into personal space precisely because of the skill of confidence to your partner. Often in such a situation, you can hear that if I lose control, something horrible.

We understand that for any PS worth some complexes, psychological trauma, deep disbelief in myself, my abilities. And my task as a psychologist, as a therapist, these strategies reveal, in detail to study them and off to work, transforming the beliefs and skills of the client.

Second, the most common PS - strategy of borders. Each person has their personal, intimate space. Someone it is very big, someone small, but it's always present. This space is just as real as personal hygiene items, underwear , comb. As soon as the partner or any other person invades that personal space, a huge number of problems.

"Is in the proximity of people cherished the hell,

It is not go love and passion." Anna Akhmatova

as soon As we try this "goal line" to go, to get into the personal space of another, even the closest person to break his psychological comfort, and here the problems begin in a relationship.

Very often we say to ourselves "I will never do ..... (of something). I will never enter into a relationship with ..... (similar personality type)." But time after time chosen a partner who is already in a relationship, repeatedly enter into a relationship with a person with severe dependence, selected alcoholics, gamblers, pathological liars. And it's not random, but certain patterns hardwired into our beliefs and, consequently, manifested in the skills and reactions.

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