the problem of sibling rivalry facing each family, in which two or more children. for Adults it is important to understand that this is absolutely normal and natural feeling of an older child, which to avoid altogether is simply impossible. It's hard to share your mom with someone else. And of course, for parents whose eldest child suddenly turned into naughty hairy toddler, it became evident that the problem of sibling rivalry is not passed to their family party.
Before settling on recommendations for parents, I would like to draw attention to one of the most important aspects, in my opinion, this topic. It is an emotional condition of the mother that after the birth of the youngest child is very fragile and unstable. And here, on arrival from the hospital, she has got a small lump and the eldest child. Her heart is torn between them as not to offend anyone who attention. It's hard and it hurts. And here is where the role of the husband or other relatives who can provide support, help and sympathize with the women. It is important to remember that the faster the emotional state of the mother will be back to normal, the sooner you will improve a healthy atmosphere at home and among children.
If the problem is a child's jealousy was obvious to you, then you, as parents, you first need to recognize that you can not be the same to treat their children. Well, at least the senior you love longer than the younger. Or Junior now you regret more, because it is small. And that's fine. This is not your fault and you are committing a crime against their children. Most importantly, admit it to yourself. Today, many parents are preparing for the birth of a baby consciously and in advance, and similarly, it is necessary to do with his oldest child. It is important early to tell your son or daughter about the appearance of a second child, to discuss any changes and nuances that arise in connection with this event. Great importance is the preservation of the old routines and habits of an older child. Any changes (own bed, room, the beginning of kindergarten, etc.) should be organized not less than 6 months before the addition to the family. Many sources say that you need a lot of time to devote to the older child to not feel abandoned. And it's true, just that life sometimes indeed my mother did not have neither physical, nor emotional strength for it. In such moments, you can neatly and unobtrusively to ask for help the older child in the care of the child, for example, to bring something to submit. And be sure to emphasize how you need help and how you enjoyed it and grateful for it. But here, it is important not to turn the older child in a babysitter and force them to care for the baby. The main message in this case is that you are together and you now have a very valuable help and communion with the son or daughter. One of the most common mistakes parents is that with the emergence of younger eldest child sharply for them to become for adults who needs to understand everything, to give toys, your things. But it's not, your 3-year, 5-year, 7-year-old and then the same child he was before the birth of her second baby. It is in such moments of jealousy becomes very sharp and pronounced, which can result in negative verbal and behavioral manifestations. And it is very important not to shame your child for feeling, without blame, and not to impose stereotypes: "it's your brother, you must love him". In such an emotionally charged moment, the mother can talk about their experiences of the child, that this brother or sister really upset her that she felt bad to see someone biting, pinching, punching somebody. It is important to convey annoyed Chad that he is her child, and brother or sister. And that Mama loves them both. the
Sometimes the signs of internal discomfort the older child manifests in psychosomatic diseases, which arise with the appearance of a second baby in the family (frequent colds, bowel problems, etc), enuresis, neurosis. or encopresis, nightmares, restless sleep, a clear regression in speech and development, aggressive manifestations, emotional negative outbursts.
Parents, it is important to remember that jealousy is a temporary phenomenon, it comes and goes, the main thing is to be consistent, systematic and equitable in the education of their children. Practice shows that not what is not capable to unite children as a joint punishment. Sometimes it's really not worth it to take on the role of a judge and to live in eternal childhood complaint, and to just punish both kids. This experience greatly equalizes children in the family, unites and unifies them. Wish you happiness and prosperity.
sincerely, Elena. Psychologist, Gestalt therapist, children's therapist.