How to find love. Four ways to improve the selection.

How to find love. Four ways to improve the selection.

1. Get to know your patterns.

Unconsciously, we are often drawn to people for the wrong reasons. Our initial attraction often betrays us because what attracts us to another person, in the end can hurt us. Many subconsciously choose people who are more likely to put us into old, familiar (and often unpleasant) scenario. We feel reciprocity towards those who allows you to recreate the familiar dynamics, and who reinforces our negative beliefs about yourself.

for Example, we can resist the charm of someone lonely and distant, seeing him as "mysterious" and "intriguing". Starting to date this man, we, in the end, will find him cold and rejecting. And in the end we feel inadequate and unsatisfied in this relationship. The feeling is familiar to us from the past. Although intentions are the most pure, the templates will lead to not the best choice. After studying their patterns, has a chance to begin to act differently.

2. Think twice about your type.

many of us Have a pretty clear idea of a potential partner. Some of them sound quite reasonable. We want smart, kind, or responsible. Might as well take some pretty specific criteria as her future boyfriend should look or behave. That prematurely narrows our view. In addition, we can reject for the wrong reasons. I can't tell you how many people said things like, "I really like him. What if I screw up? "Or" She's too discreet / down-to-earth. I think I want someone more extreme."

As I said, we are addicted to for the wrong reasons. For example, we find the lovers, who think that they are smarter or better than us. Or those who don't care about us or not take responsibility. At the same time, we resist people who do not have these traits, but that somehow seems less interesting.

Many of our preconceived notions about who we should be, come from our past. Perhaps they have inspired us parents. (For example, "Find someone who will take care of you in the financial"). There are also ways that our parents behaved in their relationship. Later, they became the models for us, so we unconsciously seek out people who love to argue, control, compete, etc. As it was in our first family.

to counter these trends, we must try to be impartial. The person with whom we are acquainted, will not always fit the exact picture in our heads. It's okay to try. To know how we feel with someone who is not our usual type, and to examine how we react to situations. It will surprise us and suddenly really will be the best choice.

3. Step out of your comfort zone.

You are single, want to meet someone, feel tired and frustrated. However, most of us underestimate how easy it is to retreat inside himself and not deal with the difficulties of Dating. Easy to say, "I'd rather stay home" or "Just don't want to meet anybody". Sounds prosaic, but sometimes, only to look away from under his feet and look forward, to become more responsive – not only provides more opportunities, and help you feel better.

If we approach each situation with awareness, humor and a sense of adventure, it is easier for us to adapt to the unknown. The challenge is how to sign up on a Dating site or to agree to a blind date. When we take these chances, we are more open to meeting someone. We learn a lot, like about someone, and about myself, not allowing my head to become clogged with judgment and doubt. And if something goes wrong, which is inevitable, we can show kindness to yourself as to others. And resist the temptation to go back to our zone defense.

4. To mute your inner critic.

don't be surprised if your ears are ringing with comments that hinder the implementation of any of the three aforementioned steps. Our "critical inner voice" should always be on the alert. "Don't trust anyone," he warns. "You will only hurt." When are we going to leave, he tells us that we look terrible and should stay home. When we meet someone we really like, he says: "the same mistake Again". Our inner critic is always happy to sabotage and invade, say to us: "Too early or too late. You're too old, ugly, boring, etc." In addition, he runs a similar attack in the direction of a potential partner, saying, "You should (a) look for someone more attractive, successful, passionate, stable ...".

One of the biggest internal issues to allow love to enter our lives, behind this critical inner voice. We should notice when he gets resists, not allowing to roll yourself out of the way. Many mistake it for conscience or intuition, but it is not. It supports our defense, forcing again and again to make the wrong choice, saying that we deserve no better.

Learn your patterns, challenge your "type" to get out of the comfort zone and to silence the inner critic. That is what it means to continue to fight for who we really are and what you really want instead of to give in to negative patterns of the past. We are looking for your own way, find a partner who will be this journey with us, appreciating us for who we are. This allows you to build relationships, loving and effective. And not those prescribed by our past.

Bobkova Anna
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