"Help to correct the child, he's being a bad boy" - a fairly common request for psychologists. At the same time, most often refers only one parent (mother), and completely ignores the problem of the other parent (usually the father).
Why is it that not only two adults (I'm a parent) can not "correct" the behavior of the child themselves, but it also can not cope neither the teachers nor psychologists?
In 1954, don Jackson, introduced the concept of "family homeostasis," i.e., the desire of family members to maintain a stable internal state, which, in this case, is achieved by changing the behavior of one member of the family. In this context, when a child/teenager begins to behave provocative, unacceptable manner (theft, alcohol, drugs, aggression against others, bullying classmates, etc.), it is useless to think about why he does it, it is important to understand – for what? br>
Sometimes a child is seriously ill so that it cannot be cured (I'm in this article considering the psychological cause of the disease). In such cases, the child's condition is to support (and ideally save) family, to reconcile the parents (because the child is sick, how not to join?), that is, in one way or another to stabilize the system (which includes family). br>
Often the internal stress of the child appears in response to external tension between the parents. br>
How to Express this tension? br>
Who can he trust if he can't tell her parents about their experiences? And, most often, parents complain about them is useless. Tell the teachers or the psychologists? the
Hardly. Children will be very lucky if you find a good sports coach (for boys it must be a man), who will speak to them, do not turn away (the sports section is the place where the child is revealed in the process of operation, gets the aggression out, works with your body. And at the same time, he sees that the coach is also working together with him, and also puts forward specific policy requirement that the care recipient has developed the best way, hence this trust). br>
what to do with the aggression that comes from within? Either give her a way out (theft, fights, insults/humiliation of peers) or inside (pickling yourself with alcohol, drugs, physical harm – intentional cuts, burns), and sometimes both directions at once. br>
You still believe that children should start? br>
Parents in the first place, it is necessary to understand their relationships, not to drive the child to psychologists (by the way, I noticed one peculiarity: after one visit of a psychologist a parent starts telling everyone that he EVEN to the psychologist took the child – all to no avail...to be honest, that sounds like the excuse from a real examination of the problem and the attempt of a parent to look good in the eyes of the public). br>
you Must forgive each other or break up, just do not play with feelings, especially for children! Uncertainty and anxiety cut the ground from under the feet of the child, even if it "has as many as 15 years." to
Be sincere with the children, show love, show it. And, most importantly, make YOURSELF happy is the best thing you can do for the baby. br>