Quite a standard situation: the husband leaves the family for another woman (of another family). My wife is going through, finds no place, because in her view, life gone awry, had lost its meaning, it literally collapsed. The future in this article is only in dark colors or not appear.
women Often feeling abandoned, turn to her friends, a fortune teller, much less to psychologists-consultants.
What advice can we give to those who were in a similar situation? With all the diversity and uniqueness of quarrels between spouses, there is the problem of family relations in common, similarities that allow to give some advice of a psychologist. They will not only survive the departure of a loved one, but with high probability will be able to promote him back into the family.
so, how to get my husband back into the family?
First ask yourself: "do I Have to return it?". If you ignore the emotion, then the separation is a natural process, the same as the connection of hearts. Sometimes life together for various reasons is not possible, there are unsolvable issues. So is it worth to try "to glue the broken vase from pieces", "to sew a relationship cracking at the seams"?
In our society a widespread view that if the family has a child, then to leave in any case impossible, because in this case, the alleged child loses one parent. Although, if you look, things are not so simple. The father and mother of the child last a lifetime. Another thing is that they lose their status of husband and wife. When parents divorce, it is important to remember this and to show the child that they are nowhere in his life do not disappear. By the way, scientific studies prove that the child is better to live in an incomplete, but happy family than complete, but problematic. But it's some other aspect of family relationships.
whether to Forgive her husband infidelity? To this question each woman must answer for themselves. Very often the wife, even against its will, can not forgive a partner's infidelity. It would not have set myself a woman, thinking about the betrayal of a close person don't disappear and keep her in suspense. In this case, it is desirable to work with a psychologist, who with the help of special techniques and exercises to help cope with feelings of resentment, anger, anger against the traitor. That would, in the end, the negative emotions were released and given the opportunity to go on with my life.
If you do decide to try to get my husband back into the family, we need to realize that the previous relationship does not recover – they will have to stand again, how would starting getting to know each other with a clean slate. It's not as easy as it might seem at first glance – it will take a serious physical, volitional, emotional, intellectual costs and time (some weeks, months).
For starters, accept the fact that the man made a choice not in your advantage that the husband went to his mistress. Take this as a starting point, you need to start acting like the beginning of a journey. Psychologically prepare for any scenario and consider it as natural. Release the resentment that you held at my husband, forgive him. Stop playing the role of abandoned wife. On the contrary, behave in the opposite way: as an independent, confident with himself and interesting to other men.
my husband Let me know about the acceptance of his deed, but also that you "let go", leaving the choice for him. Efforts to "force" or "manipulative" to hold its halves (tears, accusations, threats, persuasion, blackmail, flattery...) of success, usually do not bring, as the pressure only increases opposition.
Now is the time for a detailed analysis of their personality, their stereotypes in thoughts, emotions, behavior. Think that you yourself contributed to the care of her husband's family left? From the "things" he left (fled)? It may be appearance, for example, manner of dress, or traditional patterns of behavior, habits, and problems in performing family roles (wife, mother, lover, mistress, friend...).
You found that you something would need to change? What needs to change, how to do it? It is desirable to write down their thoughts. It may be purely external changes (a more thorough grooming, hairstyle, appearance, physical form), and deeper (internal) – new hobby, Hobbies, improvement in his profession, changing the way of communicating with people. You have no means to classes at the gym? You can do morning exercises, jog, engage in spiritual practices. Important – you must change, become different, and not remain the one from whom her husband left her.
of Course, the ongoing process of change should be pleasant and natural. Me not for what would please her husband escaped, and what would be more perfect, self-confident. Become the other, to keep up with the times, with or without him (after all, the desire of one man can not build relationships).
At this point you might be thinking, "who is he, what would I have changed?", "Do I need this?". In this case, go back to the beginning of the article, and think again whether, in principle, to return the husband?
If you have responded positively to this question and began the process of personal change, let them know her husband about it (in private conversation, in social networks through mutual friends). So he realizes that you are not the same as before, you change, become more interesting. You will stand before him different, not his usual point of view.
it Will take some time (few weeks, month...). At this point, many lovers a crisis in the relationship, because fresh emotions go, there are small but very nasty domestic problems, the romance fades, dulled by the enthusiastic feelings, fading of sexual passion. And mutual respect with his mistress did not occur.
Here you (change) it's time to demonstrate a willingness to resume the lost husband relations on a new, more qualitative level. This is the first step to what to get my husband back into the family. Find unobtrusive way to tell her husband about their willingness to be together again.
the likelihood is High that a man may not be full, but will resume communication with you. Here, it is important for you to create in your relationship comfort zone. The interesting thing is that nothing special to do and don't need: don't look for faults, don't reproach past, on the contrary, find something you have in common, consider the positive, which was not previously noticed, rejoice in the successes of each other and seemingly mundane details. Of course, all this should be natural and not cause you stress, just accept the renewal of your relationship as a gift.
so, what exactly is recommended to establish relations? Here are some advice of a psychologist.
- think of the positive aspects of your life that are emotionally positive painted, for example, useful for viewing old pictures, reminiscent of a pleasant event.
- it is Advisable to visit a memorial for your a pair of places (a place of rest, the place of their first kiss, Dating....), i.e. where you felt the happiest.
- Remember anniversaries, celebrate them to the maximum using these symbols of positive feelings and good family traditions.
- Sex. At this stage, by mutual consent possible sexual relationship. This can be a factor in awakening the sleeping senses, refreshing the relationship.
At the moment, it is likely that the husband will again be attracted to you, because with you it is quiet and nice, you support him and understand.
it's time to discuss the situation at the moment and your possible future together. Talk to him and no pressure offer to make a decision and make a choice.
If the husband decides to stay with you and return to the family, agree on "rules" combines family life: write the behavior of each other, which you would like to see more often, what would make you happier. You need to make wish lists in various spheres of life (family, Hobbies, life, sex, emotional relationships, joint pastime, responsibilities, etc.). Wishes to formulate as specific as possible. Little, for example, to say to her husband: "I lack your attention". Fleshing out the sentence thus: "I would like to get from you small gifts, flowers for holidays, memorable dates (some dates for example)", "would once a week taking a family walk in the Park, in nature."
my Husband, of course, also voiced their wishes to the wife: "tell me your problems, concerns, feelings", "Pay attention to my concern about our family," and more.
Further developments are in your hands and the hands of your husband – build and develop relationships with past mistakes, improve yourself along with your spouse.
of Course, in the article it is impossible to anticipate and describe all the nuances of family relationships. With the purpose of the study the problem readers can advise the distance learning training "How to return a spouse in the family." It is also desirable in parallel to pass a series of consultations on Skype and discuss advice of a psychologist with regard to your specific situation.