the difficulties of Life. Adversity. It would be great if they could defend themselves! But the world is somehow so arranged that the difficulties fall to the share of each.
Remember the parable about the woman who turned to God with a request to relieve her of her plight. God responded and invited her to choose a new life cross. The woman chose a long time between the crosses: one too heavy, the other too uncomfortable. Finally, she pointed to one of the crosses, which was completely arranged. To which God replied, "So it's your cross is!"
love Challenges waiting for us on the way to our goals. More significant for us than the goal, the more serious and frequent obstacles we have to meet. Like someone is testing us from above, sending these issues.
Suppose someone set a goal to create a serious relationship. Or get a desired job. And, perhaps, to solve some personal problem, for example, to overcome the lack of confidence in dealing with people. How many failures to stop such a person? On average, one or two will be enough. The partner turned out to be hypocritical and not ready for a serious relationship. The employer mentally interviewed, after parting on a positive note, but a week never called me back. Newfound confidence was in tatters after the first few words of criticism with someone's hand.
Why often only a single failure is enough to people in denial? Everything is well begun, the future was drawn in the brightest colors.
the fact that our brain likes to generalize and to build a cause-effect relationship. He is constantly doing. It creates this so called reality. The basis of these maps represent our beliefs. No need to think that belief is something cumbersome, a huge, long-standing and persistent. Beliefs are created by us every day.
When a person begins the path to the goal, e.g. build relationships, to work or gaining confidence in communication, it has a certain set of beliefs. If you have the desire, motivation and the future looks bright tones, these beliefs are positive. They appear to be or sound like "I can do it!" "It will be great!", "It will bring me joy!" However, after the collision with the bad set of beliefs changes dramatically and can turn into something like "Everything is useless...", "I never will...", "it Seems that I did some/the/yy".
Robert Dilts has done a lot of research our beliefs and came to the conclusion that there are three groups of limiting beliefs:
Hopelessness – "it is impossible to achieve"
Helplessness – "I can't"
Worthlessness – "I did nothing, so nothing will happen"
Often, limiting beliefs are formed after the collision with the failures and serious obstacles. If they take it on faith and accept, then they will turn into serious internal resistance to change.
of Course, incredibly hard to pull himself together after setbacks and to explain that the current negative feeling is just a reaction to the situation. And still believe that to bring back the original emotional fuse.
the Study of people who successfully overcome failure, discovered the amazing fact that they all possessed one and the same installation. In NLP this setting is formulated as "never defeat is only feedback". These people believed that any difficulties – this is just another clue about how faster and more efficiently to achieve success. Thomas Edison took almost 10,000 attempts before he created a working light bulb model. All previous attempts ended in failure. How did he do it? How he kept his faith in the success of their ideas? Thanks all the same about the absence of failures.
Edison is worse Than the one from our example above, who decided to create relationships, get a job or gain confidence in communication? No worse. If he learned the right lesson from another failure, understand the meaning of received feedback and went to make another attempt.
Vostrukhov Dmitry Dmitrievich,
psychologist, NLPt-psychotherapist, consultant in the welfare