How to heal a wounded child, if he lives inside of you.
Inside each one of us has a small child. He sometimes gets tired, is afraid of “adult Affairs”, acting a little childish and wants mommy took him to the pen. No matter how many years you was not, this part of your personality is always in need of support, love, care and understanding. And all anything, but some of us get stuck in this state, and it prevents to go and develop further.
It's about you, if your parents had too much work. It's about you, if they were too young for a child. It's about you, if their expectations of the family did not coincide with reality. It's about you, if you grow up in a single parent family.
If your parents did not give so much love that you had a small defenseless little man, this story is about you.
And all this explains but doesn't excuse anything. Does not justify the pain that you are experiencing, your inaction and fear. Now you have grown, but the child inside you may still take a major role and direct you, to look everywhere mom or dad who finally love, accept and solve all his problems.
the Kid inside you wants to avoid pain, to fence you from mishaps and situations that cause fear and anxiety. He wants to feel safe. But hiding from pain, we hide from life. Avoiding the painful experience, without failures, we refuse new achievements, accomplishments and joy.
We do not communicate with new people, because they can hurt us.We're not going to an important interview, because there you can get a waiver — the failure.We're not leaving the unloved work, because it gives a sense of security.We never leave the destructive relationship, it's at least some, but reliance.We continue to remain wounded children, and this prevents us to enjoy the adult life.
How to cure inner child and build internal support?
1. Be aware of what benefits brings you the child's position
a Child is someone who is not yet able to answer for themselves. The child needs protection. And being a child is great, right? When you cry you hands are, when sick, to care for you. What are you weaker and more miserable the more love and attention you get. Especially if the parents are busy, sometimes the disease is the only way to attract their attention.
2. Understand what lessons you received as a child.
Any situation carries with it the experience.
When you miss the bus, you can swear and kick the snow to the conclusion that next time I'll get up early/going to run faster.
When you once again begin to “sort things out” and it does not completely useless, you can decide that person is an idiot and never learns or think about how to get what you need in another way.
And when you remember childhood, you can survive, to be angry, to hate and blame the parents all the time to feel sorry for yourself, or make some conclusion.
In my life it happened so that from the age of 10 I was raised by a single dad. And I was terribly mad at my mom for it. But looking back, I realize that through this experience I have had “masculine” qualities that very very help me in life.
What have you got? What is the lesson learned?
you May have received:
Armenienne that you can handle samodostatochnost promotingthe it, and not release from myself.
3. Forgive and accept parents.
It can be very difficult, but without the forgiveness and acceptance it is difficult to move on. Understand that parents are people just like you, they too are wrong, I'm afraid, have a lot of problems and inner children which did not receive enough love.
On one counseling session, my therapist suggested to do the exercise with sub-personalities. We had to imagine what parts of my I wrote a list with my different me: friend, artist, daughter, wife, etc.
And in doing so, uprajneniya realized what the hell, it's not just about me, my mom is not only mom, she is also someone's friend, boss, lover, wife. And I judge her for only one role, it is not trying to understand and accept it all, absolutely not thinking about the fact that she is more than my mother.
have you Seen the parents? Can you forgive and accept them? And love mom and dad as flawed and imperfect people like you and me?
forgiveness and acceptance is the ability not to demand love but to give it. And this is exactly what gives support in life. Going through these changes you become a parent for your baby, a loving parent, who is not afraid to take responsibility and can always protect you.
After all, you are much more than the sum of you parts. It you are distributing roles and write the script of your life.