How to choose a husband to spend the rest of my life, not to get a divorce in a year? This question very much has bothered me after the second divorce, and probably care about you - my podistica and possibly already a participant of my Course "Married for three months," which kicks off this week!
the Most important rule that the marriage turned out to be a lifetime, is very simple!
SHOW her FUTURE HUSBAND this! And for this 1) stop being afraid that if you don't hide your shortcomings, you won't need anyone and no one will never marry you! 2) know that you're beautiful! And so... quietly demonstrate their sincerity.
You can guess why we all like to read good works, or someone's real story? We get so a detailed description of what is happening, I can identify with that! Come on, come on, don't be shy to tell him that you really resonated with in childhood - how you and your friend took home a pigeon with a broken leg, and left him. As you are the first time in my life went with her parents to the sea, and was surprised that the water is so salty... Tell him your true feelings!
Show him to be what only you know yourself! Hearing about you little things from your childhood and adolescence, his heritage will be recorded, what he "already knows", and this is the first stage of vljubleny!
Well, the second rule is also very simple: take the guy the way you are! If you think he's after his marriage to you would be: eat healthy, stop Smoking, start times to make more money, will cease to be greedy and suddenly become understanding and caring - you will be deeply disappointed and... divorce in the future! Maybe all these positive changes happen with your husband, but if you don't like it "what is", your marriage, alas, did not last long/
by the Way, my husband a year ago really quit Smoking and drinking, became interested in yoga and healthy food and attaches to the me, with varying degrees of success. We can influence men for the better! But all this happened just because... if he didn't, I still would love him!
the real reason for the divorce of all couples in our modern reality!?
Let's think? Maybe lack of sex? Routine stuck? His wife recovered and was not attractive? The husband did not earn?
What really happens is that after the great mutual love, which pushes us to the registration of this marriage, we can not each other to see, and the partner begins to irritate!. Everything is so much changing in our reality that we don't notice how, but the word "divorce" starts to play both in the language... We used to this word... Think about it... It ceases to seem terrible... Vaughn and Victor a neighbor got divorced, and Mary V. work the property with her husband divide... All live!.. And the solution Matures.
In fact, each of us, unconsciously, without knowing it, every day and every minute counts our "investment" in marriage, and "attachments" to our partner! This is the classic "war of the sexes" in an ideal world, we all (all of us) would like to invest in relationships less and earn more! But it does not happen, and we always agree on the situation when according to the calculations of our "subconscious" estimate "take" and "give" is the equal sign!
at this moment is marriage! We and our partner, decide that this person is "equivalent" to us according to the combined components. But life moves forward, we change, and very often without knowing for sure that we chose our partner, and how it internally calculates these points, we begin to disrupt the balance and the ratio begins to change... the Second partner receives less, it leads to scandal, revenge, contempt, treachery - all these girls, try men or women "even the score". If the second partner does not "think better of", it is necessary to divorce!
All family psychologists are often faced with a situation where a specialist comes in one pair (male or female) and says that the family is all bad and awful, and he/she can't live like this. And on the question of therapist: and could you give the session a second partner, they answer: I tried/was to say that everything is bad, but the partner does not hear me - partner thinks everything is fine.
If the second partner does not see a problem and "blind" when one of the pair is bad it always says that "account" on his side! He likes that the situation turned in his favor, he gets more than giving, and to have such a partner and nothing is going! Why? Only divorce can hurt babahnut him on the head, and maybe then will make him/her not to think again, no, but to get out of the comfort zone and begin to move rolls...
Here is a ergonomic theory and exceptions to it, alas, does not happen. If interesting cases, as it manifests in real families - write!