How to say after Infidelity

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Good day, Dear Friends!

In one of my latest articles and commentary we discussed how to find a way out of such a difficult situation as a betrayal.

“Treason” is the word for me is already loaded with negative meaning. This accusation, it is a shortcut. But to accuse the very want sometimes. But how does it help?

I asked, what shall I say in such a situation with a partner what a conversation should be avoided.

I think it's better to put the question everyone else and to tell now about how (precisely how) to speak. In fact, as I think if is “how” to be correct, then we can talk about what you want, what's important is what's inside that excites.

If you think that some topics are best avoided, please share it in the comments!

for my part, I while I will say that it is important for any clarification, in any conflict, to avoid  jumping from topic to topic, to recall old grievances. It is always important to stay within one topic, discuss it to the end, and then move on to the next. Otherwise you can get confused, nothing to figure out in the end, and tighten the tangle of offense even stronger.

while we examine examples of how not to build a conversation and why it is better not to do.

“You cheated on me! You are bad! You betrayed me! You ruined my life! How could you do that! Bitch! ». And similar words. Agree that it is similar to how we used to sort things out. And it's not just a situation of infidelity.

Let's try to imagine that these words are addressed to us. What do we feel? Offense? Anger? Probably, in the first place those feelings. Yes, maybe, and regret, and remorse about what we did (hypothetically, we now conduct a thought experiment). Why? Yes, because in the words addressed to us contain allegations, complaints, abuse.

Like, we would be happy to discuss something, but that's still words to make us always or to defend themselves – we are not as bad! Or to fight back – You yourself are largely to blame! So our mind our arranged that offensive we primarily defensive and take offense or attack, and do not become open for communication, understanding, ready to listen to another.

to Attack, to accuse, just not worth it, as if we bad not felt. It's absolutely nothing can not be solved, and the situation may complicate things.

If our task is to swear and make trouble, to annoy people, insult him – then this method is suitable. If we want to hurt the partner, where it hurts – please.

But if we want to change something for the better, it is important to act otherwise. Why attack what to accuse, insult? After all, partner will go into protection or an attack, and we will only this is even more insulting and frustrating, we can feel even more rejected and generally not understood.

This is not a productive way if we want and your mood will improve, and relationships to clarify and , possibly, to adjust, to change things for the better, change for the better their condition.

About how it is better to talk with examples, I will tell you in next time!


2019-06-15
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