How to see the phenomena of borders in their lives.

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trespassing – a key point in psychological counseling. This is a subject that needs to be reconsidered and often POPs up in the analysis of life situations of the client. So, what are the boundaries and how violating them?

Boundaries from a psychological point of view – is beyond our "I" is invisible, not visually indicated, but clearly more than our physical body; this understanding about who you let into your inner world and who is not, what I do for myself and for others. Each person has their own idea about the boundaries of self. The boundaries are hard and blurred. Rigid boundaries talking about a clear view about where it begins and ends with "me" and where are all the rest. Blurred boundaries are often accompanied by merger with other people, with work, social activities.

There is a huge amount of information on the topic: how to resist the violation of boundaries, that is to say, what phrases most appropriate for such resistance. But I think that currently too little information provided about how to understand what Your boundaries are violated, where is this invisible line disorders how to detect and defend? After all, many clients feel discomfort, anger, resentment, unaware that their boundaries are violated. And the question about what you did to defend himself, say, as in the famous joke: "And what was that?". In my article, I want to give various examples of violation of the limits of the customer's life.

so, first: violation of borders in the parental home.

the Most common phenomenon is the violation of boundaries in the parent family. Us from childhood hammered that relatives need help, the opinion of the senior to recognize that family is a priority, etc. and here is the imperceptibly that many things we do so that was nice mom, grandfather, grandmother. The opinion of the most authoritative member of the family perceive as the only true, no matter what we will go out of your way and will gradually poison your life. The question arises: "Where all your "I"? What You really think about the education of Your child, a family way of life, that for you and only for You important? Somehow it turns out that people, especially if a young family lives in the house of the parents, can no longer be separated, where in this big family they are, and where everyone else is.

Second: violation of borders in marriage.

the same thing happens in a nuclear family, but often not so clearly. Violation of boundaries in marriage always occurs, but ideally it looks like a combination of two puzzles. In this case, the house is peace and quiet. However, if hard jigsaw puzzles do not converge, so we are talking about the violation of boundaries both of the spouses and there is a psychological study. People with blurred boundaries easily let into my inner world of another person, and just as easily disappointed in it, cast it out. If the family has observed this kind of violation of boundaries, we can see the ambivalent relationship in the family, accompanied by such phrases as: "life can't be without you" and then "I hate her for it."

Third: the violation of boundaries in psychotherapy.

Client with blurred boundaries, as mentioned above, readily admits in his inner world of the psychologist. At this stage, the client is lavish with his praise, and floods therapist gifts. If time does not study this phenomenon with a client, then after a while he goes to the other extreme, and the first resistance is disappointed in therapy, accusing the psychologist of incompetence, trampling it in the eyes of others.

Fourth: the Phenomenon of fuzzy boundaries in the labour market.

the Problem is often accompanied by overtime and workaholism, people can not separate their duties from the duties of related, interconnected, but not his. Usually, it ends up performing simultaneously someone else's work, the man loads himself with activities more and more, and imperceptibly, they grow to it. At this stage, to abandon the "foreign-its" duties are not so easy, because others already got used to all he does. And the man does not separate himself from work, he says: "Our company is interested...", "We sent the documents...", "We have requested the original....".

This, in my opinion, the main examples of boundary violations. In any case, broken the boundaries of our "I" is always palpable. Under the action of the above-described phenomena of our "I" feels the violence, psychological distress, poor health. The latter is often accompanied by a rash on our main visual physical boundary – the skin.

so, the first thing you need to do to improve your own life is the example of the phenomena from his own experience to realize the moments of trespass. And then, you must try to change their behavior, adding to the lexicon of phrase-the protector of boundaries: "It's not my responsibilities", "I'm not interested", "No, I can't", "I Have other plans" "I don't want to talk about it" and others.

do Not be afraid to defend your boundaries. Experience shows that even after going through conflicts in the chain of its borders, people not only improves their lives but improves opinion of himself in the eyes of others. Good luck.

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