When one of the partners finds out that he is changed, he is faced with very strong emotions, such as anger, fear, confusion, in short, a partner who have changed, experiences a shock! You can get the feeling that his life is falling apart and will never be the same as it was before.
Subsequent actions of the injured party will depend on the nature of the person (man or woman) used to respond to crisis situations and how they are used to solve problems and cope with difficulties. Can be taken two behaviors – 1.proactive when a person actively responds and seeks a solution to the problem; 2.avoid when the person just freezes from fear and pretends that nothing happened, in General, suffers quietly. People with an active temperament, and is choleric and sanguine, you can make a scene, make a scene, threaten divorce, to put things partner. People with avoidant style of behavior, and it's mostly melancholic and phlegmatic, may be closed in itself, to suffer alone, to demonstrate a resentful look and to talk with a partner. He and the other behaviors will not help clarify the relationships and solve the problem.
As a rule, if one of the partners decided to commit adultery, it means that in a relationship a long time there are problems, only the injured party, did not notice them and did not react in time to take some action in a crisis situation. Not going to analyze here the causes of infidelity in relationships, I describe in another article, especially because in each pair they are individual. The conclusion is the same – both partners are guilty of adultery, as though it cynically did not sound, especially for a partner who have changed. Something overlooked somewhere in time did not react to "calls" that was a long time ago.
Now talk about what the partner changed
First of all, we must try not to react when You are overwhelmed with emotions, on emotions to make a scene and to sort things out and make hasty decisions. Partner, in this case, it may simply leave, or even more cool, because it is already, even if consciously he doesn't want to leave the family, subconsciously – he already has one foot at the exit from the relationship. A scandal to You now to anything! What to do in this case? I understand that the injured party in this case, it is very painful and sad! In the case, when covered with emotions, you need to talk to someone You trust, it is best to go to a psychologist, he will help You cope with acute emotional pain and emotions. You can just cry. When emotions go, and down You go, only then can you talk with your partner about what happened and find out the reasons for what happened, and to talk about what You as a couple will do next. Try to hear the partner, even when You are very upset and angry. You can learn a lot for yourself about yourself and Your family life. This conversation can help You know the reasons of infidelity and understand what to do next. I do not advise You rashly make a decision, because this painful time in a relationship will help You to strengthen them, and improve Your family life. Of course, cheating is not the best way to solve problems together, and from the point of view of public morality, very objectionable, but in real life occurs very frequently, despite the condemnation by society, it's just not real life.
How to survive infidelity the most gentle way
the Way to survive infidelity, will depend on what will happen between the partners further. If the partner who cheated has decided to leave the family, you will have to go through it's like a divorce and this is the most painful, because have to worry and betrayal, and separation. I understand that it is very painful and hard, because she experienced it on personal experience and know what it's like! People who have changed, and going through the trauma of betrayal, and trauma rejected. In order to withstand such traumatic experiences, they need to feel, not to block itself, because blocked feelings and emotions will then influence Your life. You will be afraid of a new relationship, afraid of a repetition of the betrayal in the future. Let yourself cry, write the abuser a letter where You Express all that you about him and about this situation, I think. Of course, letters do not need to send. It is also necessary in this case to seek support in the face of friends, people You trust, and it is best to consult a professional psychologist who will help You for a few sessions, not only to experience negative feelings, but also to rehabilitate after such unpleasant events and move on. How can a psychologist help? Psychologist will show You empathy and understanding will help You to sort out and see the real reasons why it happened in Your life, as it will help strengthen Your self esteem, which badly shaken after infidelity and help you see that life goes on. Not expressed feelings like are capsuled in the psyche and affect Your mood and health, can begin against this background, psychosomatic illnesses. With time everything will pass, and no doubt You will meet a new love and be happy. Sometimes, the breakup is the best medicine in a dysfunctional marriage and is liberation, because sometimes very difficult to decide on divorce because of the children, joint property, and all participants of this drama are suffering from years and decades.
If the partner is repentant and asks forgiveness and wants to stay in the family, then the one who changed, you may fear that a partner may again change and the fear to trust a loved one. The injured party is faced with the feeling that she is the victim of the incident and it decreases self-esteem. Most of them are women. Because men with low self-esteem run much less frequently. In this case, will help the strengthening and renewal of the relations, and restoring the self-esteem of the injured party. In order to renew the relationship, it is advisable to go through several sessions of family therapy. How can family counseling help? Family consultation of an experienced psychologist will help You to see how You perceive each other as You see and hear each other. Often, people can live for years together and not know really each other. The second problem is that the partners do not know how to talk about their feelings and needs that inevitably arise in life together, and often do not know their needs and can't recognize what they feel. In this case, a family psychotherapy will experience personal growth for both spouses that will make them even more happy and strengthen their Union.
to begin to change yourself, you can do self-development. You can read books about the relationship between men and women, for example, the book by John gray "the Man from Mars, woman are from Venus", which clearly describes the psychology of men and women. You should care also about strengthening self-esteem and its importance in this world. This will help the book by Natalia Pravdina, Louise hay, etc. it is also Important to think about how You live, how do You sell yourself in this world, how to develop Your talents and abilities. Ask yourself also about how You want to live, what's important to You, what makes You happy, what You partner? Because if a man and a woman develop, watching their physical form, their health, including mental, if they care about their happiness themselves, and will not hold the partner responsible for your life, they become people that wonder around and then adultery is very rare, or impossible at all. Very often change for the people that have changed themselves and continue to do so. To forgive a partner, it is important to think about what You, too, can face the temptation of infidelity and to change in appropriate circumstances. No one is Holy, every person carries, both good and bad, and it is naive to think that I am (th) is correct and will never change. Just love is constant and does not change, can only be a person with a stable psyche, which makes a conscious choice in favor of one or another thing in our time is very rare.
In conclusion of this article, I want to say that infidelity has been and will be in this world, try to treat this phenomenon philosophically and understanding. In order to avoid cheating, you learn to love yourself and your partner, develop psychological stability and self-sufficiency. Then, whatever happens, You will be able to survive and live with dignity and happily!
I Invite You to your consultation, individual and family. I'll help You get out of the incident position a more holistic and experienced, will survive the fact of change, to understand why this has occurred and will direct Your efforts at building a more happy and successful life.
Your therapist, Reznik Galina!