How to survive the transition to adulthood of their child?

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Raising a wonderful baby we are celebrating his achievements and upset with him failures. The child listens to our words, ask permission before to do something, and we are confident that we are good parents and raising a reasonable man.

But at some point, this angel appears alien. And it seems that family life was turned on its head.

Someone is trying to achieve the previous relations of power, others let it go, someone asks for help to neurologists and psychiatrists, go on reception to the psychologist.

the Decision about what to do in every family is an individual but there are General rules that will help parents navigate this difficult period of life.

to become for adults need to stop being small – this is the basic idea of adolescence.

How to become an adult?

  • Have your view of the world and relationships.
  • to make their Own decisions.
  • to Take an example from successful and interesting people (and understanding of success and interest from everyone)
  • to Be free in their movements (not to take time off and do not report)
  • to Live independently (separate from parents)
  • take Care of yourself.

is it Possible to become for adults living with their parents by their rules? Hardly....

And then the two sides, teenagers and parents, begin to actively resist each protecting their own interests.

what you need to pay attention to the parents to keep a good relationship with your child:

  • be aware of the fact that the brain structures ripen unevenly, and in adolescence, the frontal lobes – areas of the brain responsible for monitoring behavior, planning and resistance to temptation – are only just emerging! External monitoring by parents is necessary to the teenager. It is important to talk to him and negotiate.
  • it is Important to clarify what means "done". It often happens that parents are confident that they with the teenager agreed, and in his opinion the parents said so.
  • To get the social experience to a teenager it is important to "swim for the buoys". The task of parents in such moments is to provide a reliable back-up and acceptance.
  • View from the side of family communication: do you notice the double messages, double standards. Presenting to the adolescent requirements are that he adult not whether you run it as a child?
  • Adolescence is a period of critical rethinking of the values instilled in the family and what the child faces in the society.
  • it is Important that the teenager had been rights and obligations in the family.
  • For a teenager, it is important to have a private space where the rules he sets.
  • Pay attention to the emotional state of a teenager. Talk to him about it.
  • Your child something doesn't want? It is normal not to want! Instead of breaking share experience how you do what you don't want to do. Well, or promise for it some bonuses.
  • There are two forms of aggression – some teenagers actively resist, other agressiruesh passive - docile and do nothing.
  • the more you included in your child's life, the less he has to live. This is the mechanism of co-dependent relationships. The parents should have its own life, the child has its own part – time General interaction and interests.
  • In this age it is very important to be part of a group and conform to it. Supporting your child in choosing socially successful groups, sport, volunteering, tourism, music, etc. can avoid anti-social – crime, alcohol, etc.
  • the Disorder with my parents, their silence and neglect cause the most serious emotional state and is a cruel punishment for a teenager.

the Task of adolescence is to separate from parents, become an adult and Autonomous. The task of parents – to help your child create their own, separate from them, the state which subsequently can be friends and cooperate. Do not create near its borders of enemy States. There is a risk to spoil the lives of themselves and others. Talk, negotiate, maintain and learn to live their children on their own.

Elena Artyukh
2018-10-15
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