I sent a question (which I have shortened for convenience) in a personal message. Thought it was a good topic for the notes.
About the duration of therapy I wrote a note here for her reference https://www.b17.ru/article/52525 But here I will try to answer from current experience. How to understand what are the signs that it is time to end therapy?
first, you will realize that you and the therapist feel stable, they can overcome difficulties. And the difficulties will not disappear to be. It's natural. Right here will say that to completely change yourself is impossible, I mean, you know, if you're whole life has been one man and then at once changed all over, no, can this be the case, but I have not seen this. That is the reaction of your injuries, those personal features that you have, they can change much, but it does not mean that will disappear once and for all. Some of them can go away almost completely, but that all, I don't know. Example if you brought to strong shocks some phrase, for example, the phrase "you're so ugly", then before you could cry into my pillow or throw vases, or start a mechanism of withdrawal and so on. After in therapy, for example, you will feel an unpleasant feeling somewhere in the area of the left scapula (not necessarily bodily of course, it I for simplicity), but then ask yourself, what is happening? And so this is what that person wants to insult me, but why should he? Or no, it's not me, it's it to someone else is drawn, where does he know how I was born or why he thinks he knows how I should be and all that in a position of obligation. And so on. No, maybe sometimes you will break and you will poradame on this phrase and you will be hurt, but you will not go on a binge for a few days and cry for 10 minutes. I hope clearly wrote. That hurt can be, but it does not go into any difficult by a destructive mechanism. Although, there are moments which can be difficult to handle and something can stay quite painful, but you will know about it and will have to manage your life, you will know how to protect themselves, how to take care of themselves and to create the most comfortable conditions for himself. But with something you can live with. And then, you will not need to go every week to the therapist, especially because of your work, his voice may sound in your head ))) and he's free to talk. But seriously, it's about what will grow strong adult part of (now I just explain. without long terms and professional explanation), which will be able to cope with the injuries that were inflicted in the past.
second, you came to the changes that went on, but maybe for the other changes, not to those who originally wanted. Why it happens, because often a client comes in and is not very good knows, though he knows many things about himself, but also knows a lot about the expectations of others from him, and a lot more know and it sometimes gets mixed up and he already doesn't know where his desires, and where the imaginary in order to protect itself, its development, its self. Because the environment was not very safe (at the moment, quite safe, I have never met, are reasonably safe. if it is to reformulate the term D. Winnicott on good enough mother).
now you got what you need, what you could get in this therapy. By the way, nobody says you have to be in therapy 10 years only one therapist, it is possible, but not necessarily. The fact that therapy can go for as long as possible, not only for the client but for the therapist, who is also with his restrictions, and he has his blind spots. "Therapy could be tolerated only as much traumatic material as it can withstand a therapist". Ursula Wirtz "Murder of the soul. Incest and therapy".
So the therapist and the client meet the unconscious to the unconscious, like my supervisor. And that's the truth, so it is important to look at what is happening between you, and sometimes the therapist (if he suddenly got into some difficult place, to put it mildly) hard to let go of the client. So remember about their interests and discuss such issues with a therapist.
Because sometimes the completion of therapy or if I have change, do I need therapy? Occurs when the client meets with his resistance. When it comes to the place where it is very painful and it is better to leave therapy than to touch it and this can be noticed by the therapist and help to see it to the client.
third you want to waste money on therapy better for something else (this is what I first wrote, you can decide). You could create a circle of friends where you can get support or what you will need, not the therapist.
And at the end of therapy can also go a certain number of meetings to go through this process and include it in your experience.
Thank you for the question.